Subject: Re: XWL Redemption: 9/11/2011 - 9/18/2011 Sat Sep 17, 2011 11:55 am
Vice wrote:
Shuggz wrote:
Jerry wrote:
Natalya Attack..
The attack was good but I wish that you said more at the end... 2.9... Showed little effort but i know you could do better then this
Actions speak louder than words Jerry...
Yeah it was mainly an attack, not a talking promo
Yeah ik but I didn't want to give him a 3 or 4
3 being... I like that you put time and effort into this promo but your promo skills are meh and need help. 4 being... This was a decent promo, but you still need some tips/ pointers
cause I've seen Vice's promos in the past and his promo skills aren't meh, and he doesn't need tips or pointers... that's why I made a new rating system
New Rating for Natalya Promo: 4.6 The attack could have been more descriptive imo
1. Showed little effort 2. I like that you put time and effort into this promo but you could use some tips/pointers 3. Decent Promo, hope to see you improve 4. Decent Promo, but I know you can do better 5. Acceptable Promo 6. Well written, showed lots of effort, good length, but kind of bored me and made me want to skim it. (long and can see you put a lot of effort into it, but tbh it bored me) 7. Well written, and an enjoyable read (Short but Awesome) 8. Good length promo, well written, and an enjoyable read and tbh didn't skim any of it (Long and Awesome, imo it's harder to write long promos and keep the readers attention then short ones and this one did) 9. This Promo is fucking amazing, I loved reading it from beginning to end, would have changed nothing about it. 10. Unless this is a promogasm your not getting a 10
Shug Upper Mid Card
Posts : 929 Likes : 23 Join date : 2011-02-15 Age : 31
That is the problem with these "Ranking systems" that people are adopting. There is no place for these types of promo, where it' good and isn't an essay. These "systems" are needing rethinking.
P.R Son Legend
Posts : 6977 Likes : 97 Join date : 2011-02-03 Age : 31
That is the problem with these "Ranking systems" that people are adopting. There is no place for these types of promo, where it' good and isn't an essay. These "systems" are needing rethinking.
That's why I never rank, I just give my thoughts and praise what I praise and offer any suggestions.
*As Rededmption returns we see The Worlds Strongest Man Mark Henry backstage looking angry
[center]
Joey Styles: Well mark henry certainly looks angry after that horrific lost to Bobby Lashley earlier tonight!
Micheal Cole: Would you shut your mouth Joey and let the man speak for god's sake this man has been treated like crap for the past few weeks by management and by the superstars now shut up!
* The Commentators then are quiet as mark henry begins to speak*
Mark Henry: Now i know that you ignorant fans might be wondering "Is this guy gonna complain and moan and rant more????" Well the answer to that question is correct i am going to complain more. You see you fans were the ones who costed me my match against Bobby lashley earlier tonight because you said "Henry sucks" or " The new blueberry kool-aid man" well now i have had enough of this crap. But let me tell you fans a story a story that will put fear into your little puny minds. Now do you guys remember Sean O Haire i doubt you do considering he has been on the IR for quite a few months. Well he is never going to be in xwl anymore you want to know why????? because i ran him over with my truck yes i said it i ran him over then i spit on him i never liked Sean O' Haire that soical media fab wannabe pissed me off so i ran over him then i drove away and nobody found out that it was me because i then hid for several months untill i came back to the xwl. Sean O Haire is now on life support as we speak because of me.
* The Camera then pans to shocked expressions on the fans in Boston*
Mark Henry: Now i see all of you fans are crying and angry well thats how i feel how do you think it feels when i get treated like crap every week by you fans and management and booking. So considering how i have been treated like crap i will now make a threat to GM Vickie Gurrrero and all of xwl i got a call from SOOL and they wanted to know if i wanted to join them but i said i would think about it. So here is the deal if i do not get a non-title match or if i do not get booked at Eye For An Eye then i will destroy all xwl superstars and go to SOOL!!!!!
* Henry then throws down the mic as redemption goes to a hype video for Redemption superstar Sheamus*
I apologize for some of the funky spots, every other match I record has turned out weird. I dunno why. Nonetheless, there we go.
P.R Son Legend
Posts : 6977 Likes : 97 Join date : 2011-02-03 Age : 31
Subject: Re: XWL Redemption: 9/11/2011 - 9/18/2011 Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:00 am
Ted DiBiase's theme hits the P.A and the fans jump out of their seats and begin to erupt in cheers for him.
He walks out from behind the curtain with a big open mouth grin on his face as he hears the screams and cheers from the audience for him.
DiBiase then throws his arms outward and jumps in a circle soaking up the love and support from this crowd before proceeding down the ramp with his smile still in tact and the cheers just as loud.
Joey Styles: Welcome back to Redemption everybody, out to the ring now is of course a man that needs no introduction. Ted DiBiase is perhaps the underdog of the Elimination chamber at Eye For An Eye and these fans certainly seem to have him picked as a favorite.
Michael Cole: Why is he a favorite though? He's done nothing...He buried the Undertaker alive....That's all, sure he can talk all big, he can act like this is his moment, that he's going to finally walk away with a title, but in the end we all know he's got no chance in hell.
Joey Styles: How very optimistic of you Michael.
Michael Cole: Hey I'm just calling it like it is. If you wanna have this blind prediction that he'll even come close to becoming World Heavyweight Champion then by all means build all the false hope you want.
Ted finally reaches the bottom of the ramp and slaps the hands of the fans near him, then throws his finger up telling them to wait a second...He backs up then comes charging down the ramp with his hand extended out and giving more high-fives to the other side of the ramp. He then turns to corner at ringside throwing his arms out enjoying the reaction these fans are giving him.
Joey Styles: It's not false hope, all I said is that he's a favorite from the fans and many backstage to win it. Some think it's his time, and it very well could be.
Michael Cole: No the only person that will walk out of that match World Heavyweight Champion will be Chris Jericho. Did you see what he did earlier tonight? He was assaulted by that miscreant John Cena, but he overcame the odds and put him in his place by pinning him with ease.
Joey Styles: With ease? John Cena put up a very valiant effort, and for you to say anything else is just asinine.
Michael Cole: Well if I can steal something you said earlier, we must have been watching two different matches.
DiBiase then steps to the side slapping the ring steps, then runs over to the ring apron dropping his knee onto it and pulling the rest of him up with the ring ropes as he hangs from the side.
He then steps into the ring and takes to the second rope where he mounts it then yells "Tonight is the night!" as the audience reacts with more cheers
Joey Styles: Anyways, later on in tonight's main-event, that man right there, Ted DiBiase, will face the World Heavyweight Champion, The Rock, in a non-title match
Michael Cole: I cannot believe he's getting a one on one match with the champion! CM Punk gets The Rock one on one for like a minute at Eye For An Eye, yet Ted gets Rock for however long their match is tonight? Or better yet, why isn't Chris Jericho getting a non-title opportunity? The man has defeated Ted on multiple occasions and most recently last week where he earned the number six spot in the chamber....It's just unbelievable how DiBiase is getting something others deserve.
Joey Styles: It's just a match Michael, the title isn't even on the line, it's just two friends going one on one, what's so bad about that?
Michael Cole: Everything.
They continue their screams for him and he turns his head revealing a huge grin on his face.
He hops off the second rope then grabs a microphone from the time keeper and positions himself in the middle of the ring.
Ted DiBiase: What’s good Boston Massachusetts?!
The Boston fans go wild with cheers yet again while he smirks
Ted DiBiase: It’s another week here in XWL and we’re now just two weeks away from the biggest show of my life. Eye For An Eye, it all starts there. Whether I walk out World Heavyweight Champion then remains to be seen, one things for certain I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that it does happen. People say you just know when things are going to happen, that you can feel it within all of your being, and when I tell ya I’m becoming World Heavyweight Champion, you best believe it’s going to happen! I just feel it, ya know?
Michael Cole: So he's going to finally become champion, because he...Feels it? Oh my god I've never heard something so stupid in my lifetime.
Joey Styles: Should try listening to your commentary...
Michael Cole: Excuse me?
Joey Styles: I said you should try listening to your commentary.
Cole looks at Joey stunned as Styles just stares at him with the best poker face ever.
Ted DiBiase: Every man inside this chamber has been World Heavyweight Champion, with the exception of Alberto Del Rio, Justin Gabriel, and of course myself. We’ve got the most to prove in this match more than any other, sure everyone in that match wants to walk away the winner, but the odds are stacked against us three more than anything. I know Justin Gabriel and I want this bad, but what about the Mexican aristocrat himself? Ever since The Rock laid the smackethdown on his candy ass, he’s been as silent as well, all of you when Justin Gabriel talks!
Michael Cole: Honestly I'm getting sick and tired of The Rock and Ted DiBiase trashing Justin Gabriel. He's an impressive young man and the fact these people cheer about him being disrespected is just ridiculous.
Joey Styles: They're clearly joking Cole, but I guess you know nothing about jokes.
Michael Cole: It's only a joke if it's funny.
Joey Styles: And it is.
Ted DiBiase: But I think there is an underlying reason for why he’s being so silent, perhaps he’s trying to get in all of our heads? I mean we all expected him to run his mouth all month, make more excuses about The Rock kicking his ass and saying he didn’t, but he didn’t, and he hasn’t. Although I’m probably giving him too much credit, in fact the likely scenario is that The Rock “accidentally” ripped Alberto’s vocal cords right out of his mouth during their match. It’s a very tragic thing, and I know Rock feels just terrible about it. I mean we all loved hearing Alberto transition from English to Spanish at the drop of a hat! We all loved his annoying banter that no one in the arena could understand! In fact, I think right now we should have a moment of silence in memory of what once was. So ladies and gentlemen, just like Alberto Del Rio, please pretends your vocal cords have been ripped out and let’s pay tribute to such a tragic event and show our respect for the wounded soldier that is Alberto Del Rio.
The fans mostly laugh then silence is heard all around with Ted then chuckling a bit before raising the mic up
Ted DiBiase: So now that that’s over, I think the next thing on my agenda should be talking about tonight’s epic main-event! Now what is it you ask? What on earth could be so epic? Well I’ll tell you all, so listen up and please do contain your excitement. We don’t want anyone’s vocal cords being destroyed in any other XWL event, whether they be fan or wrestler, we will remember that tragic experience and make sure it never happens again
Ted DiBiase: Anyways...Back to tonight’s main-event, I will go one on one with my very good friend, The Rock! A non-title match with the champion, pinch me I must be dreaming! While it’s not for the title, and not on Payperview like I had hoped, I’m still pretty much marking out. Opportunities like this don’t come often and so when things like this are presented to you, you just have to take advantage of them to their fullest. If I could take the World Heavyweight Champion to his limits tonight, then just imagine my confidence heading into the Elimination Chamber. Or better yet, imagine if I pinned him for the one, two, three...But before our one on one encounter in tonight’s main-event, I’d actually like an opportunity to just talk man to man, friend to friend, and challenger to champion with him. We’ve had so much hatred displayed from a good bit of the chamber participants, but the thing is, I don’t hate The Rock, just because I’m trying to take his title doesn’t mean some imaginary hatred just came up out of nowhere. Like it’s nothing personal between The Rock and I, because hey we’ve been good friends for a while, even if we haven’t talked much if any since I’ve started my quest for taking his title...But I don’t think he hates me either, I think we just know at Eye For An Eye friendships won’t matter. But I’d still like a chance to just talk to him face to face instead of us making comments on each other like we have for the past couple of weeks.
Ted DiBiase: So, without further adew, I welcome my guest on Tedemption, Dwayne Johnson... COME ON DOWN!
The atmosphere in the arena is amazing as The Rock's theme sounds with the fans eagerly awaiting what they know will be good.
Joey Styles: Wow, for the first time since the Elimination chamber match was announced, Ted DiBiase and The Rock are going to speak one on one in front of all of these lucky fans!
Michael Cole: Oh great, pointless jokes about genitalia and stupid catchphrases being spouted off every minute.
Joey Styles: My aren't you just the life of the party.
Michael Cole: It's just stupid, he talks about shoving something up someone's ass, he jokes of monkey scrotum's or what not, It's not funny and the fact you're all blinded into thinking it is, is just idiotic.
Joey Styles: Oh tell us how you really feel Cole.
The fans remain on their feet still loudly cheering showing a huge ovation as Rock's theme continues to play throughout the arena.
Michael Cole: He's certainly taking his time isn't he?
Joey Styles: Yeah it's kind of odd, usually he's out here by now...
The camera's cut to Ted who's nervously pacing the ring, The Rock's theme stops and the fans seem confused, Ted then raises his microphone up after scratching the back of his head.
Ted DiBiase: Dammit... Okay so you're all probably wondering why The Rock isn't out here...Why aren't we cracking jokes at the other's expense...Why isn't he reeling me in for a perfect "It doesn't matter what you think!" and so forth...Well I thought he'd be done by now...See it's a long story that I guess we have time for by now...I mean unless you guys wanna see The Miz come out here saying really a zillion times. No? Yeah I didn't think so, okay so The Rock and I were backstage, chilling, eating some whoppers that we tricked Vickie's assistant into getting us. If Vickie asks, we did not take ANY money out of her personal savings account, I mean do we look like the type of guys that would take a woman's hard earned money and just blow it on a few whoppers with fries combos? Certainly not...Anyways....So he dares me to eat my last one in one bite...This had cheese, ketchup, mustard, pickles, and an extra patty mind you, somehow they screwed up the order and gave me two pieces of meat...But I wasn't going to complain! So I'm all I don't know man, I don't wanna be in bad shape for our match later, so he then says five words...I double dog dare you....And you can't say no to a double dog dare...That's just not possible!
Michael Cole: Are we really listening to a supposed "World title contender" tell us a story about a double dog dare?
Joey Styles: Pipe down Michael I can't hear over you.
Ted DiBiase: So I remove the wrapping from the burger, raise it up opening my mouth just as wide as could be...Start to stuff it in my mouth but then he's all...Oh come on Jabroni, just shove it in there already! And I laughed because that was a perfect that's what she said moment! Well as I start laughing I begin choking and gasping for air...What turned into such a simple dare, could've been the very end! No non-title victory over The Rock, no World title match, I would have survived potentially being buried alive, only to die by choking on a hamburger...
Michael Cole: Oh brother...
Joey Styles: Just shut up already
Michael Cole: I'm sorry but I don't want to hear about some stupid story about a freaking hamburger.
Joey Styles: It's about a dare and it explains why The Rock isn't out here...
Michael Cole: Who really cares?
Joey Styles: Judging by the attention from the fans, they do.
Ted DiBiase: So there I am choking, turning red, Dwayne thinks I'm joking, he's all oh come on DiBiase, it wasn't that damn funny! I laugh more because there's just something about his voice that makes anything funny...Then again he's also the same guy that called Alberto Del Rio a glorified strudel loving poolboy transvestite, and we all couldn't laugh enough. But I'm getting away from the story...So there I am choking, he notices it's not some silly joke, then gets behind me...Applies the heimlich maneuver...He pushes against me...And as the burger comes flying out of my mouth causing me to pant in exhaustion, The Divas Champion AJ Lee walks by and there we are...Close together...Me panting...That just did NOT look right! She backed up awkwardly and well, I guess there's no getting her phone number now huh?
Michael Cole: Sigh...
Joey Styles: You make having King as a fellow commentator look better and better with every comment you make...
Michael Cole: Why? Because I don't care about some dumb ass story?
Joey Styles: Well I myself along with these fans here in the arena am finding it very humorous.
Ted DiBiase: Instantly we pull away from each other with that awkward silence and clearing our throats, idly taking sips from our drinks...But then it happened....A wild Vickie Guerrero appeared! As if the situation wasn't bad enough, Vickie shows up in front of us, and sadly neither of us had a get out of jail free card...We were trapped...So she asks us if we're going through with our match tonight, and we both response of course, to which she says okay good, I wasn't sure with you both being friends and all. I'm like hey just because I'm friends with The Rock doesn't mean that will stop me from pinning him one two three tonight! To which The Rock replied, so you think you're going to beat me tonight? I'm like.....Well....And then he does his famous....IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! I sigh for falling right into that and Vickie then says well you seem awful confident...I'm like well I know The Rock and I will have a great match but I just think....Then he does it again!! He yells IT DOESN'T MATTER....BUT I CUT HIM OFF! I then say WHAT YOU SAY! He glares at me, I give him my own little stink eye stare, Vickie then say I don't have time for this to which we're both like....IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU HAVE TIME FOR THIS! We laugh, she glares, we laugh some more, good times, good times.
Michael Cole: This whole story doesn't matter...
Joey Styles: Hey Michael you really don't like this?
Michael Cole: I really...
Joey Styles: IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU LIKE IT!
Ted DiBiase: Vickie wasn't in the least bit amused, and then just as Rock and I were about to try and escape her evil clutches....She says she needs to see Rock in her office, immediately we're like....BUT.....BUT.....She then says no buts, she needs him to sign over some contracts regarding the Elimination chamber and discuss some things...So then reluctantly he leaves, I'm left by myself, and without a clue what to do if The Rock doesn't come out for this little moment we talked about doing...We even planned to sing a song!! Which I'm sure you all would have LOVED!
Michael Cole: No...
Joey Styles: Yes...
Michael Cole: No...
Joey Styles: Yes...
Ted DiBiase: So sadly that's that, you won't get the hilarious hijinks, no epic duet...No serious discussion...I'm as disappointed as all of you! And what's worse, I tried to find AJ after that but she saw me approaching her and quickly drove off....Dammit now how will I spend my night when I win the World Heavyweight title at Eye For An Eye? We could've had a celebration together, her the Divas Champion, me the World Heavyweight Champion....What more is there to say, we'd be a perfect match! She could even include Kaitlyn into the fun....
He pauses with a grin
Ted DiBiase: I mean imagine it...A nice candle lit dinner for three...As it got late we'd retreat to the bedroom...I'd send them into the bathroom to get a little more comfortable...And then we'd do it! YEAH!
Michael Cole: Did....
Joey Styles: I think....
Ted DiBiase: We'd spend hours just doing it and doing it....By the time the night was over, they'd both be tuckered out! I mean I have been known to do that...Besides I'd totally let them win...It's right thing to do as a gentleman. Doesn't mean I wouldn't put up a fight though!
Michael Cole: Win?
Joey Styles: ...Um...
The fans react confused as well, they seem to have thought Ted meant something else and he quickly thinks to himself for a moment then he understands what they thought and quickly replies.
Ted DiBiase: Whoa whoa whoa!!! I did NOT mean that.....You guys really do have dirty minds you know...I'm talking about a few friendly games of Monopoly! I've got a special monopoly set up with a table and everything in my bedroom...Why do I have that in my bedroom? Well...Why does The Rock mention genitalia whenever he addresses all of you? Why does Chris Jericho love ham sandwiches so much? Why is Justin Gabriel so easy to insult?! Who pissed in CM Punk's cheerios? All these questions we may never know the answers to...But in closing, there is one thing we do know...Later on tonight, after prying himself away from Vickie Guerrero's office and thanking the lord above that he doesn't have to deal with her anymore, he'll come out for our one on one match...We'll tear the roof off the building, Rock Bottom's will be done...He'll arrive on Dream Street a few times, but in the end, when that bell sounds....And a hand is raised....The DiBiase Posse will be going wild at the start of a new era...One non-title victory will lead to a World Heavyweight Championship victory at Eye For An Eye, which will lead to a very long, very funny, and very thrilling World Heavyweight Championship reign! My time is now DiBiase Posse, I've worked so long for this...I joke a lot, I say stupid things, but when a bell sounds, I get taken to this whole nother place....I joke outside of the ring, and occasionally inside of it...But I promise you I will not let you down! You've believed in me when no one else would...No one supported me like you guys did. I'm going to be World Heavyweight Champion, but first I'm going to get the biggest win of my career here tonight in the great city of Boston Massachusetts! Rock, buddy, you tell everybody to bring it all the time...But I've got two words for you....Two words you know very well, two words that will fire you up when I say them, so Rock, later on tonight in our match, you better....BRING IT!
He smiles as a huge ovation of cheers follows again from the fans, he climbs the turnbuckle raising his arm up high in the air soaking in all the support from his fans.
Michael Cole: Thank god that's over...I'm so sick of everyone saying variations of bring it...That catchphrase is being abused more than the poor kid's minds here in the arena that had to hear all that garbage.
Joey Styles: Well I personally loved every bit of that, his hilarity never ceases and he can make you think he means something but then it's something entirely different. Like he said though, he can joke now, but when that bell sounds and it's just him and The Rock in that ring, we're going to see two men take each other to their limits, and I can't wait for it!
Michael Cole: I can...I just see Ted failing like he always seems to when he's got an opportunity, The Rock will win and then at Eye For An Eye Ted's little fairy tale dream of becoming World Heavyweight Champion will die.
Joey Styles: We'll see...Anyways folks we've got to go to yet another commercial break, so don't go away, we've still got much more to be seen here on Redemption so don't touch that remote!
The camera shows Ted making his way up the ramp slapping the fan's hands along the way before we fade away to a commercial.
Last promo as an 18 year old....If it sucks I blame my brain for not maturing about an hour sooner....
*runs*
Guest Guest
Subject: Re: XWL Redemption: 9/11/2011 - 9/18/2011 Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:56 am
Ted Promo..
The commentary was great had me laughing the whole time. Usually it's just Cole but in this promo Joey was great too!
"So he's going to finally become champion, because he...Feels it? Oh my god I've never heard something so stupid in my lifetime." Joey's response to this was great
the moment of silence for ADR was hilarious and was funny seeing Ted try and explain his silence.
I loled irl when Rock didn't come out and Ted was all like.. shiiittt now what do i do.. PLAN B! STORY TIME! "Why isn't he reeling me in for a perfect "It doesn't matter what you think!" and so forth"
and i bet Adam loved this line: "unless you guys wanna see The Miz come out here saying really a zillion times. No? Yeah I didn't think so, "
"A wild Vickie Guerrero appeared!"
Get out of jail free card reference.. vintage Ted
"She says she needs to see Rock in her office, immediately we're like....BUT.....BUT....." this whole story was cool, it made Rock and Ted seem more human and funny.
and the No... Yes.. no... yes... from joey and cole had me laughing as well
"Why does The Rock mention genitalia whenever he addresses all of you? Why does Chris Jericho love ham sandwiches so much? Why is Justin Gabriel so easy to insult?! Who pissed in CM Punk's cheerios?" i don't know which one of these was funnier... hmm.. prob the JG one
Yes ik, scattered review Overall was a great promo, kept my attention the whole time and I had no desire to skim it at all, especially during the story time! Had a great mix of comedy and... well was mostly comedy but imo funny promos are the best to read... 9.5 The Dibiase Posse wasn't disappointed
Ash Upper Mid Card
Posts : 893 Likes : 25 Join date : 2011-02-05 Age : 30 Location : Leeds, England
Subject: Re: XWL Redemption: 9/11/2011 - 9/18/2011 Sun Sep 18, 2011 7:11 am
Meanwhile as Redemption continues the cameras quickly go to the back when....
Guest Guest
Subject: Re: XWL Redemption: 9/11/2011 - 9/18/2011 Sun Sep 18, 2011 7:16 am
Ash wrote:
Meanwhile as Redemption continues the cameras quickly go to the back when....
Mark Henry is up to his dastardly tricks again.
Bronzeh Mid Card
Posts : 397 Likes : 0 Join date : 2011-03-12 Age : 29 Location : Glasgow, Scotland
Subject: Re: XWL Redemption: 9/11/2011 - 9/18/2011 Sun Sep 18, 2011 7:44 am
What the hell is Grisham doing with his left hand?
Guest Guest
Subject: Re: XWL Redemption: 9/11/2011 - 9/18/2011 Sun Sep 18, 2011 11:27 am
Adam wrote:
Ash wrote:
Meanwhile as Redemption continues the cameras quickly go to the back when....
Mark Henry is up to his dastardly tricks again.
DAM STRAIGHT I TOLD YOU SOMEBODY GONNA GET THEY ASS KICKED like jerry predicted.
Subject: XWL Redemption: 9/11/2011 - 9/18/2011 
Sun Sep 11, 2011 6:00 pm
it was mainly an attack, not a talking promo
maybe you can return and we have a feud possibly?
