XWL.com Exclusive: Motor City Diaries: Knowledge truly is power

As the video begins we see The Motor City Machine Guns, Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin sitting outside on the top of a flight stairs leading into a very large building. The Guns are breathing heavily, Shelley wipes some sweat off his brow while Sabin takes a sip of water out of his bottle and it would appear that the two are taking a quick break though their reasoning for being our here remain unknown. Through sharp gasps of breath, Shelley begins to speak.

{Alex Shelley}
This is a very special outdoor edition of The Motor City Diaries, and this time around we’re 100% Miz-free. Well, that’s at least partially true as those of you who have been watching closely already know, The Miz has something of ours, and short of sneaking into the trailer park at the crack of dawn and staling it, we need a way to get it back. That’s why we’re here at the library, to search of answers, but little did we know we’d be in for a workout too.

The camera zooms out to reveal that The Guns only walked up about a handful of stairs.

{Chris Sabin}
Why did you choose this one first? You know it's the one with the most sets of stairs. Given our history with stairs, I'm just waiting for that squirrel to attack me again. But Alex is right, the answer for all our problems is somewhere inside this library, and we're determined to find it. Miz, enjoy pretending to be half of the Ersatz Tag Team Champions, because after we're done here, that championship will come back to where it belongs, around my waist.

With that said, Sabin gets up to enter the building but Shelley grabs his arm before he can walk away.

{Alex Shelley}
I don’t know if I can go on, save yourself, Chris. Between Miz stealing the Ersatz belt at Digital Decision and trying to steal my United States Championship at Supremacy and you worrying about you taking on Morrison and hoping that I win the over/under on when Main Event Mafia will implode I just don’t know how much stress and pressure my fragile little heart can take. What if the library doesn’t have the answers we seek? What if all hope is truly lost? What if Miz truly has our numbers? I don’t want him prank-calling me. I just—

Sabin suddenly loses his balance and falls down the stairs! Everything quickly goes black and white as Sabin free-falls in painfully slow motion while Shelley screams “No!” from somewhere in the back ground. A few seconds later Sabin is still fall- Inside the library, Shelley and Sabin stand at the reference desk waiting to be served. Shelley impatiently rings a bell but the librarian appears to be elsewhere at the moment.

{Alex Shelley}
This may be the worst customer service I’ve ever gotten. There’s goes any hope of me giving her a tip. Can you believe this? We’ve been out here an entire minute. That’s 60 whole seconds, 60 seconds, sir! in military time and not one person has stopped to ask if we would like any assistance. Just look how big this place is, the last thing I want to do is get lost in the historical section with no food or water to get me through the dark days ahead.

{Chris Sabin}
You know, I bet I could have fallen down those stairs three times over and we still wouldn't have any assistance from these people. It looks like we might have to scour this library on our own if this librarian doesn't show up to do his or her job, Alex.

{Alex Shelley}
I didn’t want it to come to this, but I know the way to lure these kinds of people out of their hiding spots.

{Chris Sabin}
You're not stealing books from them like last time, I'm still paying those fees, Alex.

{Alex Shelley}
Is it stealing if they were offering it for free in the first place?

{Chris Sabin}
Good point, but that still doesn't explain why they kept charging me for the “stolen” books.

{Alex Shelley}
Well you’re the guy you sent bail money to your jailed friend in Ethiopia who you never heard of until he randomly emailed you.

{Chris Sabin}
Yeah but... wait, how did you know about that?

{Alex Shelley}
Let’s not talk about that anymore. Thanks a bunch for paying for my new gear though. Now let’s see about fishing out that librarian….

Shelley reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a sandwich. He unwraps it and opens wide to take a huge bite out of it when…

???
NO! DON’T YOU DARE!

An old wrinkled hand snatches the sandwich out of Shelley’s hand and promptly places it into the garbage bin. The old woman removes her spectacles and breathes on it, then wipes them off on her very colorful blouse. She eyes The Guns suspiciously and places the books she was holding down on the desk before addressing.

Ms. Libra Rian
Just what in tarnation do you two think you’re doing with food in my library?

{Chris Sabin}
To be fair, Alex was the one with the food, I ate before we got here.

Ms. Libra Rian
So you must be the one who passed gassed in here then. The putrid stench of pancakes that have made their way through someone’s digestion track is burning my nostrils.

{Chris Sabin}
It wasn't me, I swear.

Ms. Libra Rian
No swearing in my library! This is a family oriented business and I’ll see to it that it stay that way even if I have to forcibly remove you from the premises myself.

{Chris Sabin}
I wasn't-

Ms. Libra Rian
Not.

{Chris Sabin}
But I'm trying-

Ms. Libra Rian
Another.

{Chris Sabin}
If you just let me-

Ms. Libra Rian
Word.

{Chris Sabin}
...Damn.

Ms. Libra Rian
That’s out! Out! Out! Out!

{Alex Shelley}
But we’re here on very important XWL business.

Ms. Libra Rian
I don’t care if you wear size XWL or size XS, I don’t want you two hooligans in here. Now, scat!

Shelley and Sabin try to plead their case, but the librarian is having none of it. She grabs a broom and threatens to beat them with it. Not trying to get into a physical altercation with the old woman, the two men begrudgingly leave. Outside Shelley goes to say something but Sabin hushes him and quickly pulls him around the side and then towards the back of the large building. Sabin points up towards an open window letting a cool breeze flow into the structure.

Shelley links his hands and boosts Sabin up to the window and watches as his partner climbs inside. Sabin leans out of the window and with great effort he’s able to pull Shelley inside. Shelley reaches back out the window as if he’s going to help the cameraman but he just takes the camera and leaves the man behind it by himself.

{Alex Shelley}
All right, we’re in… so, now what. Did you even think this far ahead? Do you have the blueprints? The alarm deactivation codes? Do you have a clue where the book we’re looking for is?

{Chris Sabin}
This isn't Mission Impossible, Alex. Just look at this place, so many bookshelves filled with so many books. The book is in here somewhere, I just know it, I can feel it. We just need to find out where it's at. Any ideas on where to start?

{Alex Shelley}
Nope.

{Chris Sabin}
Neither do I. Guess we just split up and look around.

{Alex Shelley}
We can’t split up, Chris, I have the camera which means that we need to stay together because if you get into any trouble we need to make sure to have video evidence because it could be the difference between life and death.

{Chris Sabin}
You're right, maybe we shouldn't have left the cameraman outside. Too late to go back now, it's time for The Guns to become detectives, good thing I always carry a couple of these just in case.

Sabin pulls out a pair of magnifying glasses from his back pocket and hands one over to Shelley.

{Alex Shelley}
Well we’re wrestlers,  so perhaps what we’re looking for is in the “W” section of this thing. Let’s go check it out.

The Guns sneak around the library being careful to stay out of sight of that senile librarian who could be just around the corner. They finally get to the section marked W and they be rummaging for books.

{Alex Shelley}
I got a book called Wrappers: From Plastics to Foil…

{Chris Sabin}
I got one that says Wrestling with Penguins

{Alex Shelley}
This one is called: Why does it burn when I pee?

{Chris Sabin}
You should probably get that checked, Alex. This one's Water: Will Drinking Too Much Cause You to Drown?[i]

{Alex Shelley}
That’s a question everyone deserves an answer to. Hey check this one out: [i]Weak knees, sweaty palms, heavy arms and other ways to see if you’re Eminem.

{Chris Sabin}
Wrestling for Dummies I'll take this one with us and give it to Miz.

{Alex Shelley}
And yet we have yet to find what we’re looking for. Wait a sec, Chris, we’re not just wrestlers… we’re pro wrestlers. We were following a bad lead all this time.

{Chris Sabin}
Who knew that such a small word could cause us to completely miss our mark? The search continues.

{Alex Shelley}
All right, I guess our next objective is to locate the “P” section. I wish this place wasn’t so hu—

Sabin taps Shelley on his shoulder and tells him to turn around and he sees that the p-section was right behind him.

{Alex Shelley}
Well what do you know? Looks like today’s our lucky day. Let’s see what we have here: Please don’t touch me there, and more candid encounters with Dolph Ziggler.

{Chris Sabin}
I'm surprised that there isn't one involving you, Ale- Please don't touch my hair, and other candid encounters with Alex Shelley.

{Alex Shelley}
I hope I’m not in this one: “Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Party” and more terrible themes like Alicia Fox’s.

{Chris Sabin}
We should probably quickly check if our theme is in there. Pancakes: The Different Ways to Make Them.

Sabin looks at Shelley, who's looking through the book of terrible themes in search of The Guns theme, before placing the book on a shelf so he won't forget it when the time comes to leave.

{Alex Shelley}
A-ha! Here it is.

{Chris Sabin}
Our theme in that book?

{Alex Shelley}
Of course not, I found the book. Pro-Wrestling: Rules, Tips and Secrets. Could this book hold the answers to our questions?

{Chris Sabin}
I sure hope so, Miz has been running around with my half of the Ersatz Tag Team Title for long enough, it's time I get it back. Wait, what's this book say? Pancakes: Why they're inferior to waffles Just a bunch of lies!

Sabin throws the book across the room, nearly breaking a window in the process.

Ms. Libra Rian
What was that sound? Who’s trying to wreak havoc in my library?

{Alex Shelley}
Oh no, Chris what did you do?

{Chris Sabin}
How did she hear that?

{Alex Shelley}
That doesn’t matter, you don’t question the abilities of old people. Flip through the book, quick!

{Chris Sabin}
Ow. Damn papercut. What's this? Papercuts and how to properly deal with them.

{Alex Shelley}
Not another injury. Don’t you know how to stay healthy? Let me take care of this…

Shelley sets down the camera so that it’s facing the ceiling though it’s able to get a view of him flipping through the rule book while Sabin takes care of his cut.

{Alex Shelley}
What am I supposed to be looking for?

{Chris Sabin}
Anything that involves championships changing hands, I guess. I win this round, papercut.

{Alex Shelley}
I think I got something…. A tag team championship may only change in tag team matches or appropriate variations…. Asterisk.

{Chris Sabin}
Asterisk? What's the asterisk mean? Is that a good thing or bad?

{Alex Shelley}
Ah, let me check the bottom of the page. It says… Chris, it says…I can’t believe it. It says… you’re gonna love this, pal. It says… I guess things are looking up for us now. This thing says…

{Chris Sabin}
For the love of god, what does it say, Alex!? The suspense is killing me.

Ms. Libra Rian
Who’s yelling in my library!? When I find you rabble rousers I’ll have your head!

{Alex Shelley}
It says that a one on one encounter is not a suitable contest for a tag team championship to be defended in. Chris, we found the loophole! We can get our belts ba—

Ms. Libra Rian
I thought I told you two to get out of here! When I get my hands on you, I’ll—

No more words are said by the Machine Guns. Shelley slowly bends over to grab the camera and then they both take off running. Sabin gets to the window when he remembers the book about the pancakes but it’s far too late for that now. Shelley pushes him out the window and he gasps as the sounds of high-heels clicking at a brisk pace get his attention. Shelley tries to maneuver himself out the window with the camera but he appears to be stuck and when he turns around he spots the Librarian closing in on him fast.

{Alex Shelley}
AH—

The screen cuts to black.