XWL.com Exclusive: Calling Spots with Curt Hawkins Ep. 01

((Curt Hawkins))
Hello ladies and germs, it is I, Redemption's premier superstar, "The Partystarter" Curt Hawkins. Welcome to the first edition of my new XWL.com exclusive webshow, "Calling Spots with Curt Hawkins". Every two weeks, I will take time out of my very busy schedule to entertain you all with some highlights of that week's events, giving you my personal thoughts, and maybe, possibly let you in on some events backstage behind the scenes, but only time will tell on that.



((Curt Hawkins))
Now as you all know, unfortunately earlier this evening I lost to Mr. Rainbow Brite, and everyone's favorite hack of a "superstar", John Cena, for my chance at the Intercontinental Championship. But, let's take a look at that match, shall we?



((Curt Hawkins))
In fact, skip to about 11:45 in that video of the match. You'll see the ref is just lackadaisically just walking around the ring, you can hear me yell "Hurry up and count!" at referee Mike Hunt or whatever his name is because he obviously lacks in the ability to correctly perform his duties inside the ring. I don't care if he needs exercise, get down and count my pinfalls, referee. But enough about XWL's crappy referees, let's move on to more funnier, and cooler things...such as the following clip from Breakdown a few moments ago.



{Ted DiBiase}
Are you kidding me?! After everything we've been through, after everything he's done to both me and my family ever since he got here, you have the nerve to text Michael McGillicutty behind my back?! That's it! I'm not doing this again, I refuse to have to fight him for your affection, and I've had it up to here with you insulting every single thing I love. The fans, the way I choose to live my life, and the title that I've risked everything to win! It's over, Maryse. It's over. I can't do this with you again, this is one game that I refuse to play anymore, we're done!

*We come back live to Hawkins having the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, but that's become commonplace.*



((Curt Hawkins))
Aww, poor Ted. First he realizes he's seriously outmatched against Michael McGillicutty, then finds out his glorified call-girl of a girlfriend has been seeing Mikey Boy behind his back!? But ah, well. Oh, and Ted, if you're watching this, I'd like to let you know that you're a pathetic excuse for a wrestler and your promos are cornier than corn-on-the-cob. Yeah, bad analogy, but cut me some slack. After all, there's not really any good ways to describe bland, generic people like him.



((Curt Hawkins))
But moving on to more exciting things, but unfortunately still involve Ted DiBiase. This week, my good friend Cody Rhodes finally gets the World Title shot he deserves! And trust me, in the mood DiBiase is in, he's bound to slip up, giving Cody Rhodes his deserved time in the spotlight. Good luck Cody, Reks and I are rooting for you, dude!



((Curt Hawkins))
The last thing I want to talk about tonight is the return of "The Mad Scientist" and ECW founder, Paul Heyman to pro wrestling, coming down to interrupt Triple H, and had some choice words for Hunter regarding his current feud with Brock Lesnar. Let's take a look, shall we...



[Paul Heyman]
Triple H... it's been a while hasn't it? It's been what? 6 Years since we last saw each other. Since then, I've moved on from this business, ever since your father in law threw me out like I was a pile of trash.. I let all that go and I did something you can't.. I left it all behind. Look at you, Hunter... You are 42 years old, and you can't move on from this business to let the young and upcoming talent have their time. Instead people like Brock Lesnar, who have a future in this company... are pushed down and overlooked for the likes of you. But you've never changed have you? I remember back in the WWE, in the board meetings... it was always the same wasn't it Hunter? You never wanted to be the one to give the young talent the time and the chance to become a star.. because you were always afraid they'd be a threat to you, and that they'd be the one to take your spot.



[Paul Heyman]
And you always got it your way didn't you? Because you was smart enough to marry the bosses daughter. But here it's all different.. you actually have to work for success... and when you know that you are in any danger, you do what you did to Brock Lesnar. You viciously assault them and try to end their careers. Because apparently for you, destroying Brock Lesnar's house and putting his family in danger wasn't enough.. you had to do what you have always done and go to far. You could've ended that mans life, and you didn't give a damn. You put Brock Lesnar in a hospital bed with every intention of making sure he stays there, but I've got some news for you Triple H... Brock Lesnar is out of the hospital. He's sitting at home watching this as we speak, and he gave me a message to give to you... He will be back, and when he is back... He'll be coming for you, Hunter.



((Curt Hawkins))
Hey-oh! And I thought CM Punk was the only one around here who threw insults to get himself over. Dare I say, PIPEBOMB! But, on a personal level, Paul Heyman may be annoying as hell, but so is Triple H, and I'd love to see him get his head punched in Brock Lesnar.



((Curt Hawkins))
Well, that's all the time we have for this this week. Don't forget to like this video, leave a comment, subscribe to my YouTube channel. And LIKE me on Facebook! Follow me on Twi....hahaha, just messing, I'm not that desperate. So yeah, that's the show. I'm Curt Hawkins, your partystarter, and I'm out of here.