Sammy Guevara XWL vlog #2; “Dakota who?”

Sammy Guevara
Hey Panda Fam, I’m sitting backstage here in the uhhhhh-




Sammy Guevara
uhhhh S**t, Marko what’s the name of this arena?

Cameraman
Portland, Oregon.

Sammy Guevara
I know we’re in Portland, what’s the arena called?

???
The Moda Center.

Sammy looks over to his left where the unfamiliar female voice came from.

Sammy Guevara
Thanks. So I’m backstage at my second Anarchy, and we just got finished checking out the match card. I think the opening segment is almost over, I’m not sure, I think it was a segment with Alexa Bliss and some punk rock chick, I don’t really watch the women’s stuff. Oww!!

The women sitting next to Sammy slapped him on the arm. All we could see is her arm though. Sammy rubs his shoulder and laughs.

Sammy Guevara
I was kidding, relax!! I love watching the women’s stuff..

Sammy leans in close to the camera and whispers “I don’t”.



Sammy Guevara
Annyways!! This is going to be the first segment of…. uhhhhh-




Sammy Guevara
uhhhh “The Best Ever Interviews”? I think..? What did we decide on Marko?

Cameraman
“Interviews With The Spanish God”

Sammy Guevara
Oh yeah!



Sammy Guevara
Now that I’m a big deal here on Anarchy.



Sammy Guevara
The Panda Fam has been asking me to feature some more XWL superstars on the vlog. I’ve been reading the comments of my videos, and it turns out that there are a lot of members of the Panda Fam who have questions for my fellow XWL Superstars and Divas..



Sammy Guevara
By the way, the name of this interview segment is still a work in progress, so if you have any better ideas, please say them in the comment section… But for now, allow me to introduce my first ever guest of “Interviews With The Spanish God!”... DAKOTA!!!

The camera pans out so that we can see Dakota Kai smiling back at us. There is an applause and cheering sound playing as well. Sammy begins to read off of his hand as he introduces his guest.

Sammy Guevara
Dakota is the youngest Screen Actors Guild Award nominee in SAG history. She’s played major roles in the films “Uptown Girls”, “the Cat in the Hat”, and “Charlotte’s Web”.. She is also in Quentin Tarantino’s newest film “Once Upon A Time In Hollywood” starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, and Margot Robbie who is smmmoookin’



Sammy Guevara
Welcome to the vlog Dakota. I did my research about you. I’ve got to say you do look different than on Wikipedia. How did you go from being an actress to a professional wrestler?

There are awkward vibes around the interview area as Dakota looks confused and gave Sammy a look as if he is smoking something



you'll have to excuse me but I've not been in movies....  I'm not gonna lie I actually would be in a movie doe. I'd say Who in the fuck decided to put these lines in here? I mean these  Demon-Spawns should get a say in ANYTHING! But really Sammy? I'm not saying these lines you werido? I mean seriously, Sammy!


Dakota looks down at a piece paper and rips it up before throwing it in the trash

Seriously, Sammy your disgusting.
Let me rephrase this seriously?
disgusting, its ridiculous! There is not even a word that describes the level of bullshittery going on here! I mean how would that even work?

Almost on que, A large smirk comes across the face of Kai  She is smiling ear to ear, nodding her head.



WHERE DID.... WHERE DID THEY EVEN FIND YOU!

Kai's words are slurred and she looks around giggling to herself as she looks around The camera turns to Sammy and quicky back to Kai

WAI..... Wait.... seriously!? The camera should stay focused on me I'm prettier.

Sammy is seen getting annoyed at Dakota Kai for all these remarks

Oh lighten up, dude! c'mon... you gotta.... Laugh a little! HA! H-!  

The screen cuts Kai off by going to black. The camera lights back up and we see Sammy walking the halls of XWL Anarchy. He passes by a few superstars getting their makeup done, so we can assume that the show hasn’t started. The last makeup chair is occupied by Sarah Logan. Sammy lowers his voice so she can’t hear him as he walks by.

Sammy Guevara
I don’t think makeup is going to fix all of that..

Sammy walks up to a wall with a piece of paper pinned to it.

Sammy Guevara
Wow! There’s no line!

Cameraman
That’s because we’re late..

Sammy Guevara
I’m never late Marko. The show doesn’t start until The Spanish God arrives!! Okay.. Let’s see what we got he-

Sammy is interrupted by…

{???}
Who in the hell do you think you are cutting in front of.....

The camera turns to reveal none other than...

{Chris Jericho}
Who the hell do you think you are kid? You think you can just cut in front of a legend like Chris Jericho?

Sammy looks at Chris with a started expression. He stands there for a few moments star struck.

Sammy Guevara
Whoa.. Chr- Mister.. Uh, sir...c-c-

{Chris Jericho}
T-t-t-t-today junior!

Sammy Guevara
Adam Sandler, classic bro!! My name is Sammy Guevara. I’m not going to lie or try to put on a front, I’m a huge fan. From a Spanish God to a Canadian God, it truly is an honor to meet you. Did you want to look at the match card first? I didn’t mean to cut you.

{Chris Jericho}
You know.....what was your name again?

Sammy Guevara
Guevara. Sammy Guevara, Span-

{Chris Jericho}
Right... Well I’ll tell you Guacamole, Chris Jericho has never turned down a fan, and seeing as to how you know just how lucky you are that I am gracing your presence at this time, and how there’s obviously something.....”special” about you, I’ll let you stand here behind me as I read the card. How does that sound?

Chris begins to scan the card, before reading the first match posted.

{Chris Jericho}
Some Dirty homeless guy taking on the legendary “MeatSlayer”.

Sammy Guevara
Luke Harper looks like a tall version of that guy from that show Shameless. Which is on Netlfix, which is one of our sponsors. So Panda Fam act fast and ge-

Ching Ching Chong and the chick who needs a new barber.

Sammy Guevara
Uhhh, do you mean Rhea Ripley and Asuukakasa or however the f***k you say her na-

Let’s see, what’s next.....I’ll be damned. You really are on the roster kid. It looks like you’ll have the privilege of taking on XWL’s very own “Love Doctor”.

Sammy Guevara
Oh, yeah. About that. Sorry Panda Fam. I’ve got a mean stomach ache and don’t think that I can compete tonight, maybe next week thou-

Tomato Ciampa and the “Mysterious” Aleister WHACK.

Sammy Guevara
More like Alister Wha- oh wait you just said that...

Nakanoodle and Dream boy.....

Sammy Guevara
I prefer Michael Naka-

Ric flair and whoever the hell Dakota Kai is.....

Sammy Guevara
Dakota who?? Fanning?

Some drunk guy that hasn’t been relevant since I beat him and Rocky in the same night taking on Joe Dirt? What is XWL coming to?

Sammy Guevara
Stone Cold is actually back? That’s an FN’ disgrace!! You see what I did there? An FN’ disgrace… Mister F-

Another no name and some old, washed up man with a residing hairline.

Sammy Guevara
I’m surprised Shawn Michales even has any hair left.. He sure doesn’t have any talent left, that’s for sure...

The female equivalent of My dear friend, and fellow Enterprise member Dean Ambrose with some chick who needs more makeup to cover that manly face. She has more facial hair than I do!

Sammy Guevara
Nikki might just be a little more crazy the- Nash, Mox is definitely the craziest son of a bitch in this company. You’re lucky to ha-

Jimmy babrbano and the cry baby ass bitch.

Sammy Guevara
Hey man, my gimmick is being an a**hole, and even I thought that was mean...

The pornstar wannabe taking on the Vladimir cozlov wannabe.

Sammy Guevara
Joey Janela is still a thing?

The amazing weave girl.....oh shit.....there’s two of them. I haven’t even started to drink yet and I’m seeing double.

Sammy Guevara
Racist...

[size=17]Which now brings us to the most important match of the evening. The Stupid idiots from trash city teaming up with King Kong against The Glorious one himself Bobby Roode, the most handsome man in all of professional wrestling, Future Le Champiawn, Chris Jericho, and The Lunatic Fringe h- oh would you look at that speak of the de-

Moxley walks right up to Sammy and hits him with a Dirty Deeds, he then looks at Jericho.

Jon Moxley
What? I need to talk to you about tonight’s match, come on let’s go.

Jericho and Moxley both notice the cameraman, the screen goes black. When it lights back up we see Sammy sitting down next to WALTER at the backstage buffet eating their lunch.

Sammy Guevara
Hey WALTER!! What’s up big guy! You’re looking good, I mean not Spanish God good, but I can tell that you’ve been eating your hamburger helper and using your shake weight buddy!! Maybe one day you could look like m- well nevermind, I don’t want to give you any false hope. Speaking of false hope I heard that you’ve had a couple Intercontinental Championship Opportunities! Congratulations bro!!

Sammy pats WALTER hard on the back.

Sammy Guevara
Being as big, strong, and durable as you are it’s a surprise that you couldn’t win any of those matches. If I were as strong as you, I would be World Champion by now! That being said, I’m going to be a World Champion one day regardless.. Luckily for me I don’t need to be big and strong to be “The Best Ever”. You know, maybe you could learn a thing or two from me. You know what, I’m feeling generous, and it’s the holiday seasons. I’m about to offer you the opportunity of a lifetime. How would you like to be my assistant? I mean alone clearly you’re as useful as an umbrella with holes in it, but with me by your side, well, at the very least people will know your name!! Right now you’re a nobody, just some big guy from the UK who spells his name in all caps. But with the clout that I have from this vlog, you could be famous!! All you would have to do is get Marko and me coffee from time to time, scare off the dangerous paparazzi, an-

Before Sammy can finish what he was saying he is met with a boot from WALTER knocking him out. WALTER looks down is distaste and utters what we can only assume as an insult in German as he walks off to make his way to the ring for his match with Joey Janela. .

Sammy Guevara
There you have it folks. WALTER made the biggest career mistake of his life, Dakota Canary or whatever proved herself to be cray cray, and Chris Jericho is as cool as his catchphrases. And his catchphrases are really freakin’ cool!! Now unfortunately that’s all we got for you today, but if you want more Of The Spanish God then like this video, subscribe to my channel, and comment!! It’s that easy!! Join the Panda Fam!! And if you’re already in it!! See you soon!!

Sammy puts his palm to the camera lens, signaling the end of the show.