I have...a lot of things I need to get off my chest.

No, this isn't a shoot on XWL. This isn't some voice of the voiceless horseshit. This is a long ass post. And you'll find out why this is being posted. This isn't CycloneKill2012 or NJ or whatever persona or name I go by. This is Zack Cloniger, and what you're about to read is a long ass time worth of stress being vented out in as much as I can write.

My father passed away this morning at the age of 69. He'd been sick and in pain for nearly four and a half years. The man got through two cases of melanoma (skin cancer), more car accidents than I can count on my hands and feet, and two strokes, has had multiple sclerosis since 2005, and has been bedridden since July of 2007, and has been forced to use a catheter and colostomy bag, which, take it from me, aren't exactly the best things to see on your father when you're thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen years old. He'd been in a hospice house since last Tuesday.

So today, like the days leading up to today, my mom told me that if he passed away, she'd come and get me. When a person who works in the administration came over to the lunch table I was sitting at with my girlfriend and our friends and asked if I could come with her, I knew he was gone, my heart just sank. And now, a little over an hour of being told this...I don't know what to say. It's going to be rough as hell getting through this, it's going to be rough on my mom and my girlfriend as well. I know, it's over the internet, there's not much you guys can do to help me, and I understand that. It's just that I'm finally just opening up and just ranting about what my family's gone through, and how glad I am that I don't have the helpless feeling knowing he's in pain and I can't help him, his pain is gone, and I guess, the pain of knowing he was in pain is gone. But, I mean, it's my dad, and he's not going to be on this earth anymore, that pain is still here, and it's gonna be here for a while.

So, in conclusion. I've decided to leave XWL until my family and I can get on knowing he's not here anymore. These last six months in XWL have been great...but I need some time away and some time to concentrate on other things. So, this isn't a goodbye forever. But, I'm not going to be active in XWL for a while. I appreciate it, those who have read this whole thing. For those that have my MSN, I'll be on a lot. And I'll still come on the chatbox every couple days or so, I've already told David my decision. I know I don't have to be, but David, I'm sorry for having to leave Mickie/Layla high and dry, but I got to admit, our feud has been fucking awesome, dude.

So yeah, thanks for reading. Good luck to everyone, even Pats and PMoney.

-NJ/Zack.

I don't really know what to say other than .

You and your family have my sympathy during this time but I'm sure your dad is in a better place now because this world is a bitch to good people.

I'll be on MSN and Live pretty often if you ever want to talk/play something and I'm sure you'll be welcomed back whenever you're up for it again.

We're here for you.

Really sorry to hear about all of that, man. I understand what it's like to have an ill father too, if you ever wanna talk about things just let me know. My condolences.

Red wrote:

I don't really know what to say other than .

You and your family have my sympathy during this time but I'm sure your dad is in a better place now because this world is a bitch to good people.

I'll be on MSN and Live pretty often if you ever want to talk/play something and I'm sure you'll be welcomed back whenever you're up for it again.

We're here for you.

This is pretty much all I can think to say either too. He is in a better place though and that's what should put your more at ease since just like with my mom you saw him go through hell and now it's finally all over.

I don't really know what to say apart from what has already being said. Really sorry for your loss and i can't imagine what it'd be like to go through.

You are welcome back to XWL anytime you feel your can cope with it and I hope you and your family get through this.

I'm really sorry for your loss man, I'm sure he's in a better place now and out of pain. I don't know exactly how you've felt, however I do know what it's like having a Dad sick with M.S. my Dad is currently in the catheter/ bed ridden stage so if you ever feel like talking feel free to MSN me or invite me to a party on live.

I'm really sorry for your loss, Zack. I realize how difficult this must be, and I know you'll be able to pull through. I understand that it's really hard to cope with the loss of a loved one, especially a father. I can't say much like what's already been said, which in turn has already been said, but godspeed to you man, I hope we see you again.

Everything that can be said basically has been, all I can say is that I wish you the best and hope to see you back soon. I'm sorry that you have to go through this at such a young age, we'll miss you NJ.

Really sorry to hear that zack it sucks :(he's in a better place now where he isn't in pain so he'll be watching over you.

like everyone said your welcome back anytime take as much time as you need to get sorted

love you dude (nohomo)

if you ever want to talk or anything just hit me up on msn or live

Thanks guys and girl. It's really awesome that you guys are offering to help me out like this. You guys and girl are the best.

CycloneKill2012 wrote:

Thanks guys and girl. It's really awesome that you guys are offering to help me out like this. You guys and girl are the best.

It's nice to see you acknowledging Red equally

CycloneKill2012 wrote:

You guys and girl are the best.

no u

CycloneKill2012 wrote:

Thanks guys and girl. It's really awesome that you guys are offering to help me out like this. You guys and girl are the best.

ignore those douche bags

SoZ wrote:

CycloneKill2012 wrote:

Thanks guys and girl. It's really awesome that you guys are offering to help me out like this. You guys and girl are the best.

ignore those douche bags

Jeez, They are just trying to lighten the mood but you go ahead call them Douche bags?

SoZ wrote:

CycloneKill2012 wrote:

Thanks guys and girl. It's really awesome that you guys are offering to help me out like this. You guys and girl are the best.

ignore those douche bags

What?.....

Anyway. I'm very sorry for your loss NJ, I hope you and your family the best.

This... is terrible news NJ. I think I've known for almost two years now. We've been able to tell each other everything, and we've been able to share pictures too.

I really don't know what to say, so to lighten the mood, here's the most adorable gif you will ever see.



Edit: Since that isn't working, here's some Kittens.

Very sorry for your lose good luck with whatever your doing hope to see you back in XWL soon.

Red wrote:

I don't really know what to say other than .

You and your family have my sympathy during this time but I'm sure your dad is in a better place now because this world is a bitch to good people.

I'll be on MSN and Live pretty often if you ever want to talk/play something and I'm sure you'll be welcomed back whenever you're up for it again.

We're here for you.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ this a million man im sorry

I'm terribly sorry to hear that Zack. I have no idea what it's like to lose a close relative, but I can only imagine its not the easiest thing in the world to cope with. I wish you and your family the best and for you to stay strong during this difficult time.

Don't forget that we're all here for you. You're one of the few people in XWL that I've properly connected with and talk to often, so I hate to see you down and out.

-Reece

Gosh damn dude, I, am so sorry. I honestly, don't know what to say right now. That just, that sucks man. Just know this, you're always and will forever be a part of the XWL family. You've grown so much since rejoining this last time, and just know you'll be welcomed back whenever you choose to return. Family and real life issues, will ALWAYS come first, so, please take as long as you need to try and get things situated. Just know, we're here for you man, you've got my msn and if you ever wanna just shoot the breeze, just hit me up. Take care and try and remain positive man.

Take as much time as you need Zack and never, ever, put this league in front of family issues, especially one this big. I'm sorry to hear about your loss and my thoughts are with you and your family during this time. Stay Strong.