A long time coming

Over five years ago, when I created XWL, I had no idea where the league would go, how long it would last, or if it'd even start up. Little did I know how far XWL would come, how many hours a day I'd spend putting in "work" to make XWL something special. To try and do my very best (even if sometimes that went a little too far) to do what was best for the league. To make it fun, to over analyze everything because I'm a little naturally suspicious in general, it just comes with my shy nature and has certainly made for a lot of moments that can't be taken back or changed. I've made friends, I've almost ruined some of those a time or two, maybe even three...and lost some in general. I'm not going to make excuses, I've had a pretty rough life that in general outside of XWL it has been a struggle to move past a lot of that and truly "move on."



But you know I say to myself, I'll get there eventually, I'll be able to find a new path to travel since the only path I've ever been on has basically been really difficult to go on. These last few years I've kind of been frozen in life, I've gotten older, but nothings really changed. I finally started work last year, I'm not out of work because of getting hurt there and this is just turning into a nasty situation that's kind of making me think about everything more than I maybe was. I know it's hard to think because I've been so wrong to my fair share of people here, but I honestly love to make people happy, it's kind of what makes me tick.


I've kind of ruined any chances of continuing that here though, it's not been the same for a while, but I love XWL, it's what helped me through my mom's sickness and her passing. So work was my way of you know really throwing on the charm, making people's day with a simple smile or a "have a great day." it's simple but for someone like me, that helps me. It's only now that I've not been able to have that experience that I really want to go back to work despite the actual company I'm employed with treating me like a shit but that's not really your concern so I'm sorry if I have bothered people with that.


Basically, I hate that I can't go back in time, mostly because I wish I could save my mom, but because in hindsight I'd change so many things, so many personal things, and of course I'd truly try to be the owner this league deserves. To some maybe I am, but to others, it's made me think how XWL would do with out me, it's been a fear of mine I'll admit that if I left, all my hard work, the time I've spent trying to make XWL, it'd just end. I don't want it to end though, we've created something great, something that really I believe if the right people were in charge, could continue on and continue to be even better than maybe it is now.



No matter how many times I say I'm sorry, I always screw shit up, and it's at the point now where saying sorry doesn't mean anything because I've said it so much, that I really am sorry, but not in the apologetic sense. Basically it's been on my mind for the past few years, but never quite this much. I think I've overstayed my welcome in XWL, this isn't me trying to get pity or people to give me another chance or beg me to stay. I'm not staying, and it's not because of anyone or anything, it's because I need to leave. I'm not leaving yet, and I don't know when I will be leaving, if it'll be after Final Stand, in September, at the end of the year, I just know that this is my last year and I thought you all should know that.


XWL has been an amazing place, and I truly hope it still will be when I'm gone, but I can't worry about this anymore. I need to worry about making my mom proud and doing what I aspire to do. It's a difficult decision, and it's going to take a lot to even get started but it's gotta be done. I need to move on from XWL, I need to worry about me for a change, and I need to trust that this league can survive without me.


Gaz is one of the best admins I've ever had, more helpful than you could ever know, and while we've had our differences, I appreciate everything he's done. Bang has been what made XWL look as good as it is, the graphics, the things he can do on Photoshop, it's unreal and I appreciate that. Gregg, was another great admin and I love our stuff together, always have and I'm sorry our last angle ended how it did but it was fun. Kyle was there for me back on IGN, before he even had an Xbox 360 and I can't tell you enough how awesome you are. I know you've had your own fair share of issues come up but I'm glad you're back to being active. I don't know if Layla/Paige  and Dean/Ted are my last feuds in XWL, but they're two of my last ones so AJ thanks for all the fun so far, and thanks for becoming such an awesome member.



Adam I'm sorry about the Regal stuff, never said it, could have been handled way better, but thank you for being a better man than I am and sticking it out. I'm also sorry about being the worst person ever at wording and making so many situations into horrible things and making you quit and all that stuff, I really am.


Krzy I remember you helping me with Adam when he wouldn't speak to me, but I guess you probably shouldn't have because I've done my fair share of fuck ups involving you as well, I do hope you become an admin again when I'm gone because the spreadsheet and newsletters and all that crap are way better ideas than I've had as owner in the last few years.


Gaz I've probably apologized to you the most, and for that alone I am sorry, I've struggled a lot of the times we've bickered to truly behave as I should have. But you're honestly a great member and a great guy, for somebody that's had to deal with my shit a lot, it speaks a lot for you as a person to still put up with me in the interest of making this league run strong.

Gregg, I know I'm to blame for us losing that "Hi Gregg  "bhi Davis" kind of friendship we had and I'm sorry, I say I'm sorry a lot so I'm sorry for anything I've done, or said to upset you. I miss doing matches and playing trials and all that stuff as a group like we used to, and I hate that I'm probably the reason that all stopped because I alienated everyone involved.


Shuggz, we've butted heads a lot, but I miss how it used to be, back when we had RMS in a group AIM chat and he made us laugh at his stupidity or now looking back maybe trolling...it was fun, and I'm glad that while so many left from the beginning, that you've always been here to help share in the horrible and oh my god why did we do that shit moments of our past. Shawn Michaels cookie dough addict forever <3


Those are the main offenders, but if there's ever been a conversation that I've made you feel upset in, or if I've ever treated you badly, I am sorry for that. I won't make excuses, there are circumstances that maybe played into that but I should have done better, and I hope whoever is in charge of this place when I'm gone is able to take this league to places I maybe got in the way of going. To every member, whether you just joined or not, I hope you enjoy yourself here, this place isn't around just because of me, I may have put in a lot of effort into this place, but it's the people who are apart of this place that has really helped it succeed and last this long.


Honestly, thank you all for the fun times, it's been an unforgettable experience, so out of respect for you the loyal members that put your time in every week into this, and the admins that help me not go crazier by lending their help selflessly I wanted to give as much notice as I could.  It's something that's been on my mind, and today I decided that it's time to make it official. To put it out there so that it's not unexpected, that I can't change my mind later, that this league isn't prepared to go on without me. I know the members and the admins will do a better job than I have for a while. I appreciate the few of you who read this, and I hope you'll understand why I've come to this decision.