Shootin' Sh#t starring Matt Classic: Episode 2

*As the camera's start rolling Matt Classic is sat in his chair with a bottle of vodka next to him and a half full his in his hand, he takes a sip then begins talking to the cameraman Phil*



Matt Classic: So Phil what have you been up to in the last few weeks?

Phil Brooks: You know, just keeping busy.

Matt Classic: Well that's good, got to keep yourself busy these days or you'll be out of a job and you don't want that do you? So then.. I guess it time to get ready for the show then, I've got some stories prepared but before we get started with this shoot, I want to talk about a few things. Is that ok with you, Phil?

Phil Brooks: Sure, do what you want?

Matt Classic: Alright then. Well did you see my match last week?

Phil Brooks: No I didn't.

*Classic turns to Phil and talking directly to him*



Matt Classic: That's because I didn't have one, after I promised the world that I'd have a match last week, I travel all the way to the arena and I wasn't even booked for a match, what's the all about? I'm Matt Classic damn it, how can I be Matt Classic when I don't have anyone to stretch like a pretzel and snap like a twig huh? It's ridiculous is what it is. And I won't stand for it. But I do know for a fact that this week I do have a match. My first match ever for XWL, against this guy called Amazing Red. Now I don't know a thing about this guy so he can't be that Amazing and I've been told that he isn't even red. What's that all about, I'll tell you what that is, it's false advertising, is what it is! He's a joke.

Phil Brooks: Well we'll find out later on what he's got to offer..

Matt Classic: I'll tell you what he's got to offer, he's got nothing, you hear that? NOTHING. You know the kind of guys I've defeated in my time? I'm talking some of the all-time greats here and I've beat them, so if you think "Amazing Red" concerns me then you're an idiot.

*Classic then turns back to the camera*

Matt Classic: Oh and you know who else is an idiot? Everyone on XWL.com, they're all idiots, trying to take advantage on these online shows, look at them, they're all terrible rip offs of my show. Let's take a look at them, so what first off there's that Zack Ryder kid with his True Island Stories, what the hell is that about? They're not stories, they're stupid that's what they are, oh and Take care, spike your hair? What is he stupid? I wear a mask, why would I want to spike my hair? The mask would just flatten it, what's the point in that? NEXT! What was that one with the beardy guy, the guy the dressing gown, what's his name?

Phil Brooks: Damien Sandow?

Matt Classic: Yeah that's the one, him and his words of the week? Like anyone cares what he thinks good words are? You know where else you can get words? On toilet paper? I have word of the day toilet paper. And that gives you seven words a week instead of just one, you know what that means don't you?

Phil Brooks: I have no idea.



Matt Classic: It mean Toilet paper is seven times better than Damien Sandow. That's what is means. But you know what, I've got some words for him this week, boring, pompous douche... And how about that little blonde lady Michelle? Well if I've ever seen a bigger load of crap in my life I don't remember it. You see this is the kind of stuff that happened when women got freedom of speech? Are you happy now America? Because this is on you! I'll never get those few minutes of my life back and it's all on you. Do us all a favour sweetheart and go back to the kitchen were you belong. It's things like this that makes me miss the days where a women’s only job was being a housewife, it's what they're good at, why change something that wasn't broken? You know what I'm talking about right Phil?

Phil Brooks: I can't say I do.

Matt Classic: You'll know soon enough kid. So what else was there, that Curt Hawkins guy had a show too didn't he, he reviews the week? What a joke that was, just do yourself a favour kid, nobody cares what you think about the week so put the camera away and do something to make people want to talk about what you did this week. I'm telling you, Phil, kids these days have the complete wrong mindset. Too busy playing video games and going to the disco to do anything in this business, just a bunch of amateurs. Oh and what about Christian's Peep Show? Sitting around with his buddy talking about how they're heels? What does he think he's doing? There's a code for a reason and he's just breaking it for shits and giggles I won't stand for it. Him and McGillicutty want to sit around and braid each others hair then that's fine by me, but when you disgrace this business you cross a line you don't want to cross pal. You're not heels, you're just a bunch of stupid marks.

*Matt Classic shakes is head is disgust, then takes another drink*

Matt Classic: It just makes me angry Phil when kids like them don't respect the business that I sacrificed for, it makes my blood boil, but then there's the other .Com show, and boy if I though the Peep Show was bad, I don't think words can deserve how angry this made me. The Inside Scoop? What the hell is that, some chicken shit wrestler wants to hide his identity and make up stories about everyone? Come on they aren't even funny. What is it supposed to be some kind of shoot? Is that a shoot son? He doesn't even know what a shoot is! This right her is a shoot! This is Shootin' Sh#t starring Matt Classic!

*As he finishes talking the shows logo appears on the screen*



*After a few seconds the logo fades out as Matt refills his glass to the top with vodka and takes a sip of it*



Matt Classic: Do you like that transition I did there Phil? It was pretty good wasn't it?

Phil Brooks: It was ok.

Matt Classic: OK? It was a classic, a Matt Classic. Tell you what I think I'm getting used to this internet thing.

Phil Brooks: You'll get there. So the shows under way, what do you want to talk about?

Matt Classic: I'll tell you what I want to talk about, Wendie Richter. Do you know who she is, Phil?

Phil Brooks: She won the Women's championship at the first ever Wrestlemania.

Matt Classic: She did? Well that's news to me. I haven't heard of her, ever! And after my show hit the internet last week, I got a phone call from Wendie, because apparently I crossed the line when I talked about Women's wrestling, apparently Women's wrestling is a big deal, so I just laughed and hung up the phone, see Matt Classic is a busy man, and I don't have time to deal with crazy people, but then she called me again. Apparently her friend Leilani Kai was in the ring when I interrupted that match. And I thought she retired from wrestling under my advice, so boy was I hot under the collar, This broad ignored my advice. I'm Matt Classic, when I give you advice you follow it to the letter. And then Wendi tried to tell me that I'm just a sexist pig, which was completely unwarranted if you ask me, I just want to go on the record and say I love women. I know they're simple creatures and everything, but boy do they know how to cook a steak and iron my ring gear, it's a real talent they've got there.

*Classic nods his head in reminiscence of steak dinners and freshly pressed ring gear*



Phil Brooks: Mr. Classic, you do know times have changed now right?

Matt Classic: Of course I know that. You won't believe how surprised I was when I saw XWL has women wrestlers, I can't believe it, it boggles me, but you've got to remember in the 1970's nobody cared about them. So I tell her to get over it before her husbands dinner gets cold and hang up on her again. And then she rings me for a third time. What the hell is going on in her mind if she thinks she can ignore a man's order and she tells me that her and that other women wrestled at Wrestlemania I, so I tell a deep breath and I tell her flat out because it's time somebody told her the truth, I say Wendel, nobody watched that match, we all thought it was a bathroom break. Then I hung up on her and unplugged the phone. Can you believe that?

Phil Brooks: I don't know what to think?

Matt Classic: You should be outraged Phil, that's what you should think OUTRAGE.

Phil Brooks: Ok then, I'll keep that in mind. So what else is on your mind?



Matt Classic: I've experienced a lot Phil, it's just hard to pick just one, but you know what this is a good one. Have you ever heard of a group called the Four Horsemen?

Phil Brooks: You mean wrestling’s Four Horsemen? Of course I have, everyone knows who they are.

*Classic takes a large mouthful of vodka and swallows it*

Matt Classic: Exactly they were a big deal, let me paint you the picture. It's September 1985 and I'm backstage in Atlanta for an NWA event and Flair's hanging out with Tully, Arn and Ole complaining about Dusty Rhodes for whatever reason, and just so you understand I couldn't stand Dusty Rhodes, you can never trust a guy who makes up words, so I walk up to the Nature Boy and I say so here's what you've got to do tonight and I tell him he's got to get rid of Dusty for good and tonight is the perfect chance, but it's going to need all five of us. So later that night we put the plan into action we've got Dusty right where we want him, then Tully, that dam Tully Blanchard screws it up for us and the plan fails before I even get to be involved. Then the little weasel blames it all on me. He blamed me for his failures, and they all brought it and threw me to the curb. I was going to be the fifth horseman just think about that for a second, Matt Classic, Ric Flair, Arn and Ole... and Tully, now to me it's obvious who the weak link is there, but he just rode everyone else’s coat tails to the top and they said the nWo were poisonous. If I ever see him again he'll know exactly what I think of him.

Phil Brooks: Well Matt before we end this is there anything else you want to share with the world?



Matt Classic: Of course there is and this is a good one. So it's 1975 and Muhammad Ali, the boxer meets Ichiro Hatta a Japanese promoter and says there isn't a single fighter who will fight him and it becomes a media storm over there, and at the time I was over in the Orient on a tour, and I'm in Ribera Steakhouse enjoying a steak obviously when this guy runs in with a newspaper and Ali is on the cover issuing an open challenge offering one million dollars if he gets beat. So I call my manager and get him to set up the fight because I could do with a million dollars, even more so back then because a million dollars was a lot more back then. So my agent calls a promoter and they set up a meeting between myself and Ali in Los Angeles, because he wants to make sure he's not wasting his time. So I'm flown over first class, I have a few cocktail, they're on the house so maybe I have a few too many, and I get off the plane at LAX and jump straight into a cab and go to the hotel, and straight up to the penthouse suite, I'm checked for guns at the door and they let me in.

Phil Brooks: And then you meet Muhammad Ali?



Matt Classic: The man himself, Cassius Marcellus Clay is sitting down on a sofa, with his agent and his bodyguards either side of him. And like if he's so tough he won't need security would he? And he starts eyeballing me like he was better then me, and I sit down, doesn't offer me a drink or anything and his agent tells me the deal, we go over to Japan, exhibition fight , fifteen rounds, we're not really trying to knock each other out, just a bit of fun. And I'm like "Hey, hold on a second what about my million dollars?" And his agent says it's just a marketing thing which I reply to with "What if I beat him, and you don't pay up" and you can tell this doesn't sit well with Ali he's sitting across a coffee table from me and I'm pretty sure he's sober but I can't really tell. And he tells me that I couldn't knock him out in 50 rounds yet alone 15. So clearly he doesn't know a thing about me, so I have to correct and I tell him. "Listen Clay, I don't need to knock you out to beat you, I can have you tapping out in the first round if I wanted too". Because I know I can, so what if he's younger then me, he's faster and taller then me, all he knows is how to use his fists. I know how to use my entire body, he's not going to try anything else apart from a few punches, I could of body slammed him, Military Pressed, Camel Clutched him whatever I wanted and he wouldn't have a clue what was going on. Then he stands up and says he doesn't think I'm worth his time, then he leaves.

Phil Brooks: He left?

Matt Classic: That's right, he duct out of a fight with Matt Classic, can you believe that, he was scared of me! So I make myself a drink and I go back to Japan and do my own thing, then I see in the newspapers Inoki will be facing Ali instead, and you know what that fight was a joke! I would of had Ali beat in the first round, but no! It went all fifteen rounds and ended in a draw. And you know what if I faced him he wouldn't of been kicked in the legs so many times they bled all over the place and got infected. His movement wouldn't be been completely shot and ruined his career either. The Greatest, stings like a butterfly and floats like a bee would of been embarrassed by tapping out in the first round just like Amazing Red will tonight. Great call Muhammad.

*Matt shakes his head still annoyed at Ali's cowardess and takes another drink to calm himself*



Matt Classic: Well then I think that's enough for one episode, don't want to give away too much, let's get this show over then. Not over like I am, I mean let's stop filming.

Phil Brooks: Ok then, do you want to round it off then quickly?

*Half way off his chair, Classic sits back down to finish the show*

Matt Classic: Sure, I almost forgot that part. Well I hope everyone had fun listening to my stories, relaxed and put their feet up enjoyed a cocktail or two like I did and I hope you all have a blast watching Matt Classic put on a clinic later tonight in his XWL debut. If you see Scott Hall tell him to give me a call, and if you want to request a story about your favourite wrestler send me an e-mail at AlwaysMattClassic@gmail.com and I'll tell a story about them if I have one. He's Phil Brooks, I'm Matt Classic and I'll see you all next time.

*As he delivers his finishing line the camera's fade out while Classic and Brooks talk to each other ending the show*