Shootin' Sh#t starring Matt Classic: Episode 1

*As the camera begins rolling the host Matt Classic is sat down in front of the camera with a glass of vodka in hand*



Matt Classic: Right so what have we got here now? Some sort of internet show for Matt Classic? Let me tell you guys something you can't just cram Matt Classic into a little box on your screens, you need to maximise this thing, make it fill up the entire page to get the feel for this whole operation I've got going on over here. So what's this show called?

*Matt looks over to a guy off-screen*

Cameraman: You can call it whatever you want.

Matt Classic: Well what is this supposed to be about, maybe if I knew what this was about I'd be able to come up with a name for it.

Cameraman: I've just been told to film you talking about whatever.



Matt Classic: So you're asking me, Matt Classic to shoot the shit with the entire world? Do you even know what you're asking me to do? Do you even know what a shoot is, son? Hell I don't even know your name and you're asking me to shoot for you? This is pro wrestling not TMZ.

Cameraman: My name is Phil Brooks.

Matt Classic: Phil Brooks? What kind of stupid name is that? Let me ask you something Phil, have you ever won the world title?

Cameraman: No, I haven't. I'm just the cameraman.

Matt Classic: Of course you haven't You know why? It's a stupid name and there will never, NEVER be a champion called Phil Brooks. But look at that know we know each other a little better, maybe I'm more willing to open up and give shoot the shit with you. And just at that, how about that for a name, Shootin' Shit starring Matt Classic. How do you like the sound of that?

Cameraman: It sounds pretty good.

Matt Classic: You're damn right it sounds pretty good Matt Classic doesn't do second rate, so why don't you make a little logo and stick it on the screen to get this thing started already.

*As Matt begins to refill his glass to the brim the shows logo appears on the screen*



*After a few seconds the logo disappears and switches back to Matt Classic*



Matt Classic: Alright then where do we start? Well I guess I could reintroduce myself to the main stage of professional wrestling not that they could ever forget me, I'm Matt Classic one of the first ever NWA Heavyweight champions of the world, I beat Lou Thesz for the honor in 1952 in the Boston Garden at a live event, but the NWA said they refuse to recognise my reign as champion back then or any of my multiple championship wins due to the reluctance to reveal certain information about myself.

Cameraman: What information?

Matt Classic: Well if I told you Phil I'd have to stretch you like a Pretzel and feed you to the bears at the fair.

Cameraman: The bears at the fair?

Matt Classic: Yes, son, have you never been to a fair ground before. My favourite attraction, they called it Rape the Bear, see what you have to do is wrestle the bear to the ground which is no easy feat for a guy of your stature and physique but for guys like me we could do that in our sleep, and then you had to rape it which by the looks of it is easier said then done, plus the bear didn't like it too much and I saw more then my fair share of men getting eaten by that bear when they failed to escape, by god that was a risky game by hell ova entertaining to watch.

Cameraman: Ok then I won't ask.



Matt Classic: That's a good idea if I ever heard one, I'll snap you like a twig. Now I'm beat Lou Thesz, Orville Brown , Billy Watson, Buddy Rogers, you name them Matt Classic has beat them, apart from Dennis Stamp, Matt Classic refuses to be booked on the same show as Dennis Stamp, so I don't do many conventions.

Cameraman: What's your problem with Dennis Stamp?

Matt Classic: What's my problem with Dennis Stamp, I don't have a problem with Dennis Stamp, Dennis Stamp is the problem, let me tell you something about fuck#ng Dennis Stamp, that motherfuck#r will go anywhere for a pay check, he doesn't care about the sanctity of this sport, the codes of this business he's just in it for a easy buck, always has been. Why don't you just get a real job huh Stamp? Why don't you think about that, now that's a shoot, that's a damn shoot for you.

*The camera cuts to a later clip where Matt's still shootin'*



Matt Classic: So anyway I'm on top of the world I'm beating guys left right and center the best guys the business has to offer and then one day I'm sitting at home which doesn't happen very often back in those days being on the road 350 days a year and all, back home at 6am after a seventeen mile run, 17 eggs down my throat, so I'm taking it easy this day and the phone rings, so I walk over and answer it and I say Hello, and then the guy on the other line says he's from Hollywood and they have a movie for me. Now I hadn't done any acting before so I was a little curious to say the least, so I tell him to get his girl to send me the script, so a week later it arrives at my house and I read it and I loved it and the film gets made. We shot down in Mexico for a few weeks which is where I meet Mil Mascaras, but I'll get to that later, so the film gets made, they do all the editing magic and bam Matt Classic's on the big screen, 10cents each, a new record high at the time, and people are flocking in from everywhere to see this thing, do you know what film I'm talking about here?

Cameraman: I can't say it rings a bell.

Matt Classic: Come on kid, don't you do your research before this thing? We're talking about Matt Classic versus the Doomsday Drug Cannibals of Nazi Vampire Island here, it was a Box Office smash hit, broke all kinds of records, and let me tell you now Matt Classic's getting all kind of attention from every direction, then all of a sudden I'm hit by a car and I'm in a coma for a few years, the doctors said there was no way I would pull through it, they said nobodies ever survived being hit by an Eighteen Wheeler before, well guess again, because Matt Classic survived it. The next thing I know I'm awake in a hospital bed still in my ring gear and I know then I had a calling to return to professional wrestling and show the world why my birth certificate says Matt Classic, long story short I set up my own promotion in Bangladesh. Beautiful country, let's just leave it at that. The promotion went well while it lasted, can't say wrestling’s the most popular sport over there though, and hey if they can't appreciate Matt Classic then what can they appreciate?

Cameraman: So then what did you do?



Matt Classic: I go back to America, where else do I go? So it's the 70's, the world is a lot different to what it was before my coma, and a lot of things are different, then I hear Mil Mascaras is wrestling at Madison Square Garden, they managed to lift the ban on Masked Wrestlers in the Garden for him. Because that's the kind of racism I occurred, I was banned from arena's because I wore a mask but I powered through it. And for the record I take great credit in allowing that to happen.

Cameraman: Why what did you do?

Matt Classic: Alright I'll tell the story. So I'm in Mexico making my movie and I decide to book myself a match or two, and opening the card that night is Mil Mascaras, good kid, but boy was he green, and back then he wasn't called Mil Mascaras he was called Ricardo Duran, and after the matches I walk up to him at his gimmick table and he's trying to sell these replica masks of his, only has one color though, silver. And let me tell you this, silver doesn't go with much, so being the super nice guy I am I pull him aside and I tell him, now look clearly you're doing quite well for yourself and you're making a few bucks on these masks, and you need to have more then just one you know, if I was you I'd have hundreds of them, maybe even a thousand masks. I'd be the man of a thousand masks. Then what do you know now he's Mil Mascaras which literally means the man of a thousand masks. Hey Mil, where's my royalty cheques? So naturally I'm hot about this, this kid took my idea and I don't see a dime out of it. Do you know how many people fit into the Garden? It's a lot, and back then probably a few more and I guarantee he sold a load of gimmicks, where's my cut Mascaras? You'd still be curtain jerking in Tijuana if it wasn't for me!

Cameraman: Not a dime?



Matt Classic: Not a single one, so I go to work the territories like everyone else is, and I walk into the arena one night and I see the match card and see these two fruity looking names opening the show, so I call over the promoter and ask him who the hell are these guys? You expect those names to draw a crowd? And he's eyeballing me really weird and he tells me, Matt, you know they're women right? And my mind was blown, I mean come on seriously can you imagine that? Women in a wrestling ring, what will they come up with next? Midget wrestling? Come on, the only reason a women should be in the ring is to hold my jacket, and the promoter is just shocked and he's telling me that all these people come to see women wrestling and boy was he wrong, right? Who wants to see women wrestle? So I walk out during there match, I give one of them my jacket to hold, the other my towel, and I can tell it's a huge moment for them, they're near Matt Classic, they were shocked to say the least you can see it in their eyes, and I tell them that the ring is no place for a women, maybe they should rethink their lives and trade in the wrestling boots for an Ironing board. Then the crowd started booing them shouting at them to get out of the ring and stop ruining the show. Can you believe that Phil? Everyone makes a mistake, but I was helping them through it and they get booed by the crowd for realising their mistakes, boy the 70's were confusing times.

Cameraman: Errrr, I don't think that's what they were booing.

Matt Classic: Don't be stupid, what else would they of booed for? What do you say, do we have time for one more thing?

Cameraman: It's your show, you can do what you want.



Matt Classic: Alright so it's 1985 and I start hearing this buzz about this guy in the AWA, and I've got to check this guy out apparently, so I phone up Gagne and get him to book me which of course is no problem, everyone wants Matt Classic on their show. So I stroll in on the day of the show and I go in the lockeroom, and in he strolls the Magnum, Big Scott Hall, real big dude, jacked almost as much as me, great big mullet like they all had back then, and he says to me "Hey yo, Chico, I was told you were looking for me" Damn right I was looking for him, and he comes into my lockeroom and doesn't shake my hand, what kind of disrespectful took does that. So I reply "Yeah, I was looking for you, I heard you were the next Hulk Hogan who was like the apparent fifth Matt Classic" and he says "That's what they say, but why don't you watch my match tonight and find out for yourself". So that's what I do I watch this guys match and he was pretty good, had some potential, so he comes backstage and asks me what I thought so I tell him. "Kid, you were pretty good out there tonight, but personally I don't see it" And he gets all hot about it like I was jealous of him saying how he's better then I ever was or will be, acting all tough so I tell him "Here's my number, why don't you give me a call when you win the World title" and he says he'll do that. So now twenty seven years later I'm still waiting for a phone call Scott, what happened, did you lose my number or something Mr. Big Time "Superstar", gimme a call Scott I want to know all about your big world championship win, as big as Hogan they said and now look at him he's big timing me won't even pick up the damn phone!

Matt Classic: Well then I think that's about enough for one show Phil, why don't we call it a day.

Cameraman: Do you want to round off the show then?



Matt Classic: I guess I could do that. Well thanks for watching the first episode of Shootin' Sh#t starring Matt Classic, I hope you enjoyed it, maybe had a few cocktails, I know I did, and make sure you tune into Redemption next week for the in ring return of Matt Classic.

*As Matt Classic finishes talking he stands up and walks up as the show abruptly ends*