XWL.com Exclusive: Motorcity Diaries: Black Friday Shopping

In a world that lacks proper heroes and role models and a restaurant that sells both American and Canadian bacon live two men—Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin—who promise to be the handsome devils that every child should look up to. These two are men so honorable that they’d just as soon give up their last dollar as they would spend it on a cheeseburger. Just when we thought we’d never see them again they have returned… but not to the ring, The Machine Guns are on the road and they’ve been gracious enough to let us see what The Guns do outside of the squared circle.

Alex Shelley
Hey everyone, Alex Shelley here behind the wheel with my best buddy Chris Sabin in the passenger seat and we are on a very important mission. You see, for a while we thought Chris would be out, but as it turns out he heals pretty fast and as much as we wanted to be at November to Remember, there are things that have to be taken care of… with what color attires we’ll be wearing once we get back.

{Chris Sabin}
There are so many color combinations that would suit us so well, we just can't decide, but that's not why we're here talking to a camera while Alex tries to not only drive his car, but also entertain you, the fans. The doctors thought that I would be out of action for much longer, they thought that I was injury prone since I got injured almost instantly on my return. I know most of you will be glad to know that the Machine Guns are back and in full effect, and there are a few people that we have set our sights on, John Morrison and Damien Sandow, the Saviors of Society.

Alex Shelley
But it’s not just those two clowns we have our sights set on, but we’re actually looking at a few clowns to hire because when the Machine Guns return to XWL there’s going to be a celebration. Ain’t that right, Chris?

{Chris Sabin}
That's right, Alex and myself are planning the biggest celebration XWL has ever seen, it's going to have clowns, it's going to have games, it's going to have food, it's going to have drinks, it's going to have candy, it's going to have elephants... okay, maybe not elephants, but it's going to have something every party needs, balloons, lots and lots of balloons!

Alex Shelley
And what better day to go shopping than on Black Friday? We’re talking about savings galore, and luckily for all of our fans we have our very own camera guy, Mitch – no relation to the stalker in XWL – to document every second of this shopping extravaganza. Well, here we are folks…

Bah gawd King, the Motorcity Machine guns are at Walmart!

Alex Shelley
I only hope people were kind enough to leave some party supplies for us, it can get pretty crazy this time of year. Come on Chris let’s go shopping, don’t worry, I brought your wallet.

{Chris Sabin}
Normally, I'd be against you using my wallet since you're known for your extravagant lifestyle and all, but it's Black Friday, what could possibly go wrong, right? They are practically giving their stuff away.

The Machine Guns enter the store and to their surprise it’s filled with people racing up and down aisles getting their hands on whatever they can and throwing it into their baskets. The Guns enter the party aisle just as one man grabs the last pack of balloons.

Alex Shelley
Sorry sir, I don’t know if you know who we are although I can assure you that we know who we are and who we are who are two men who want what you have. You following me right now?

Man
No not really. Who are you two, brothers?

Alex Shelley
Brothers? This is my partner, Chris, and we need that pack of balloons in your hand.

Man
Partners, eh? Look guys, that’s adorable and all but I’m not giving up these balloons.

Alex Shelley
Look man--

Sabin raises his arms cutting Shelley off and he takes a step towards the man.

{Chris Sabin}
I don't think you realize what you're holding in your hands right now. That may be a pack of balloons to you, but to us, it's much more than that, it symbolizes what's good and pure in this universe, it's what makes us who we are and if you want the image of taking a man's happiness from him and crushing it into a million pieces, then so be it. But if you want a man to be as happy as he possibly can be, you would hand that final pack of balloons over to us.

Sabin extends his arm towards the man and awaits his decision. The man looks at Shelley, then to Sabin before beginning to speak.

Man
That had to be... the stupidest speech I have ever heard. You're not getting these balloons and that's final.

{Chris Sabin}
Well, I tried Alex, I really did. Guess all that's left is to walk away with our heads held down in shame.. or we could just do this...

Sabin jumps at the man and attempts to remove the pack of balloons from his grasp. He manages to grab half of the bag from him and a battle of tug of war begins. The camera looks to get Shelley’s reaction but Alex is nowhere to be found! Sabin and the man continue to struggle on the ground for the last pack of balloons and it looks to be anyone’s battle to win. The drama, the intensity, the two men are laying it all on the line for the grandest prize in Walmart as neither wants to make the long trek to the cashier without the one item that they truly wanted. Suddenly desperation kicks in and without warning the man pokes Sabin in the eye and gets to his feet. He turns to run when out of nowhere Shelley rams him with a shopping cart and the balloons go flying.

Alex Shelley
Get the balloons, Chris! Go, go, go!

And just like that, Sabin quickly makes it to his feet and dives towards the free falling balloons almost as if his life depended on it. It feels like everything is now in slow motion with doves randomly coming out of nowhere but they're not really there. Sabin is slowly inching closer and closer until the land perfectly in his hands, almost like it was meant to be. He makes it up to his feet and raises his prize high above his head. Shelley runs towards Sabin and they both high five each other after manages to get the balloons they so rightly deserve. Little do they know that the man has made it to his feet as well, he lets out a yell that startles everybody in the nearby vicinity and begins running towards The Guns. Sabin can be heard shouting, “Run, Alex, run!” to Shelley and both men retreat from the scene.

Alex Shelley
All right, bud, I think the coast is clear… that was a close one, we almost didn’t make it.

{Chris Sabin}
Good thing he stopped at the produce section or we wouldn't be standing here right now. So we got the most important thing on the list, what's next?

Alex Shelley
Well we have to pick up some snacks, of course some paper and pens so we can play tic tac toe, and I believe you mentioned something about an elephant earl… Chris, do you see that sign?

{Chris Sabin}
What si- Oh, the buy two shirts, get one free sign? You do realize that's women clothing, what are you trying to say, Alex? I know I may not be the biggest guy in the world but come on.

Alex Shelley
No-no, the sign diagonal to the sign next to that women’s shirt sign. You see what I’m talking about now?

{Chris Sabin}
I can see the sign but it's too hard to read from way over here.

Alex Shelley
Let me see if I can help you with that.

Shelley notices a shelf stocked with binoculars and so he rips open a pack and hands a pair to his partner.

Alex Shelley
Can you see it now?

{Chris Sabin}
Thanks. “Customized XWL Championships - 72% off!” Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Alex Shelley
Yeah, we can buy these, get them to engrave ‘Tag Champions’ into it and then we can spearhead the new era in XWL. Let’s get over there before it’s too late.

They get over there and luckily there are a pair of titles left. Just as Sabin and Shelley reach for them two other pairs of hands grab the belts at the same time. The camera zooms out and it’s the same man from earlier with the balloons and another guy that looks like his son.

Alex Shelley
Chris… there’s only one way out of this. You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?

{Chris Sabin}
We already took the balloons from him, I don't think he's going to let us take these championships as well, then again, we won't know until we try. I'll follow your lead.

Shelley stomps on the man’s foot, grabs the title and dashes away with Sabin close behind. Shelley races past the cashier and throws a $50 their way to pay for the titles and balloons and then they’re out with the man and his son in hot pursuit. The son trips and falls and it looks like he hurt himself leaving only the father to continue the chase. They make it to the parking lot and Shelley slides across the hood of his car opens the door, starts the engine and winds down the window that Sabin jumps through feet first. Mitch, their cameraman not related to the Mitch already in XWL barely makes it into the backseat as before he can close the door the man grabs his foot and tries to pull him out the backseat.

Alex Shelley
Chris hurry, give me that soda you bought earlier so I can throw it in his face!

{Chris Sabin}
You just spent $50 on something that was 72% off, you’re not taking my soda too.

The man leans into the car far enough so that Sabin can lean his chair back and hit him right in the face. Stunned long enough, Shelley floors it causing the man to fall out of the car, and they race out of the Walmart parking lot and into the sunset.