[Backstage, a black limo drives into the parking lot but it is unknown who’s inside of it.]
[The limo stops, and the driver gets out and walks over to the back to open the door. The members of the audience are holding their breath while they wait for the passenger to be revealed but when the driver tries to open the door and it turns out to be locked, the crowd lets out their breath in a collective sigh of disappointment. The driver moves quickly back over to the front of the limo and unlocks the door. When he’s just about to open the door, it pops open knocking him onto the ground. The camera zooms in on the ground as one foot touches the pavement and then both feet as the man takes his time stepping out of the limo. The camera slowly begins to zoom out as the man finally exits the limo and it’s revealed to be none other than… Chavo Guerrero!]
[The crowd is split down the middle as some cheer and others boo the return of one of the most recognizable yet least accomplished superstar in XWL history. Chavo gives the cab driver a look of pity and shakes his head as he walks away.]
[He opens the opens the doors to the arena and adjusts his suit while he walks down the hallway. As he turns the corner he’s suddenly ambushed by Todd Grisham who sticks a microphone in his face.]
Grisham: Chavo, have you returned for good? Is this just a random appearance? What is going through your mind right now?
[Chavo ponders the question for a moment and opens his mouth to say something, but he instead snatches the microphone away from Grisham and continues walking down the hall. Suddenly the camera cuts away from Chavo walking down the hall, and shows the fans in the arena watching things unfold on the big screen. The mixture of cheers, boos and stunned silence fill the arena.]
[Chavo’s theme hits and the sounds from the crowd only intensify when Chavo finally steps through the curtains. Chavo has the microphone in his hands and he paces back and forth on the stage until his music dies down. Now the dueling chants of ‘Welcome Back!’ and ‘Go Home Chavo’ can be heard much more clearly. Chavo stands on the center of the stage and appears to make eye contact with every fan in attendance before he finally raises the microphone to his mouth. The crowd gets a little quieter in anticipation of what he may say.]
Chavo:. . .
[He doesn’t say anything at all and puts his hands on his hips giving the crowd the look over once again. The crowd’s chants and mix reactions continue and Chavo clears his throat while raising the microphone back up to his mouth for a second time. Once again the crowd gets a little quieter in the hopes that he may actually say something this time around.]
Chavo:. . .
[Yet again he says nothing at all, and this is driving the people mad. Even those who don’t like him want to hear what he has to say after his lengthy absence, and not so classy departure from XWL. But instead of talking, Chavo gives a little smirk, drops the microphone, and walks back through the curtain. The screen fades to black as XWL heads to commercial.]
[Backstage, a black limo drives into the parking lot but it is unknown who’s inside of it.]
[The limo stops, and the driver gets out and walks over to the back to open the door. The members of the audience are holding their breath while they wait for the passenger to be revealed but when the driver tries to open the door and it turns out to be locked, the crowd lets out their breath in a collective sigh of disappointment. The driver moves quickly back over to the front of the limo and unlocks the door. When he’s just about to open the door, it pops open knocking him onto the ground. The camera zooms in on the ground as one foot touches the pavement and then both feet as the man takes his time stepping out of the limo. The camera slowly begins to zoom out as the man finally exits the limo and it’s revealed to be none other than… Chavo Guerrero!]
[The crowd is split down the middle as some cheer and others boo the return of one of the most recognizable yet least accomplished superstar in XWL history. Chavo gives the cab driver a look of pity and shakes his head as he walks away.]
[He opens the opens the doors to the arena and adjusts his suit while he walks down the hallway. As he turns the corner he’s suddenly ambushed by Todd Grisham who sticks a microphone in his face.]
Grisham: Chavo, have you returned for good? Is this just a random appearance? What is going through your mind right now?
[Chavo ponders the question for a moment and opens his mouth to say something, but he instead snatches the microphone away from Grisham and continues walking down the hall. Suddenly the camera cuts away from Chavo walking down the hall, and shows the fans in the arena watching things unfold on the big screen. The mixture of cheers, boos and stunned silence fill the arena.]
[Chavo’s theme hits and the sounds from the crowd only intensify when Chavo finally steps through the curtains. Chavo has the microphone in his hands and he paces back and forth on the stage until his music dies down. Now the dueling chants of ‘Welcome Back!’ and ‘Go Home Chavo’ can be heard much more clearly. Chavo stands on the center of the stage and appears to make eye contact with every fan in attendance before he finally raises the microphone to his mouth. The crowd gets a little quieter in anticipation of what he may say.]
Chavo:. . .
[He doesn’t say anything at all and puts his hands on his hips giving the crowd the look over once again. The crowd’s chants and mix reactions continue and Chavo clears his throat while raising the microphone back up to his mouth for a second time. Once again the crowd gets a little quieter in the hopes that he may actually say something this time around.]
Chavo:. . .
[Yet again he says nothing at all, and this is driving the people mad. Even those who don’t like him want to hear what he has to say after his lengthy absence, and not so classy departure from XWL. But instead of talking, Chavo gives a little smirk, drops the microphone, and walks back through the curtain. The screen fades to black as XWL heads to commercial.]
TBH what kind of promo was that he didnt say shit i mean i could understand him ignoring the interviewer and stuff but if he comes out and smirks then leaves then thats a huge disappointment. I mean could you imagine if something like this happened irl it would be a waste of air time!
TheKrzyOne Main Eventer
Posts : 2282 Likes : 107 Join date : 2011-04-05 Age : 12
TBH what kind of promo was that he didnt say shit i mean i could understand him ignoring the interviewer and stuff but if he comes out and smirks then leaves then thats a huge disappointment. I mean could you imagine if something like this happened irl it would be a waste of air time!
That was sort of the point of the promo (him not talking), didn't mean to upset you. </3
Sam Upper Mid Card
Posts : 834 Likes : 15 Join date : 2011-04-28 Age : 28 Location : Richmond, VA
[Backstage, a black limo drives into the parking lot but it is unknown who’s inside of it.]
[The limo stops, and the driver gets out and walks over to the back to open the door. The members of the audience are holding their breath while they wait for the passenger to be revealed but when the driver tries to open the door and it turns out to be locked, the crowd lets out their breath in a collective sigh of disappointment. The driver moves quickly back over to the front of the limo and unlocks the door. When he’s just about to open the door, it pops open knocking him onto the ground. The camera zooms in on the ground as one foot touches the pavement and then both feet as the man takes his time stepping out of the limo. The camera slowly begins to zoom out as the man finally exits the limo and it’s revealed to be none other than… Chavo Guerrero!]
[The crowd is split down the middle as some cheer and others boo the return of one of the most recognizable yet least accomplished superstar in XWL history. Chavo gives the cab driver a look of pity and shakes his head as he walks away.]
[He opens the opens the doors to the arena and adjusts his suit while he walks down the hallway. As he turns the corner he’s suddenly ambushed by Todd Grisham who sticks a microphone in his face.]
Grisham: Chavo, have you returned for good? Is this just a random appearance? What is going through your mind right now?
[Chavo ponders the question for a moment and opens his mouth to say something, but he instead snatches the microphone away from Grisham and continues walking down the hall. Suddenly the camera cuts away from Chavo walking down the hall, and shows the fans in the arena watching things unfold on the big screen. The mixture of cheers, boos and stunned silence fill the arena.]
[Chavo’s theme hits and the sounds from the crowd only intensify when Chavo finally steps through the curtains. Chavo has the microphone in his hands and he paces back and forth on the stage until his music dies down. Now the dueling chants of ‘Welcome Back!’ and ‘Go Home Chavo’ can be heard much more clearly. Chavo stands on the center of the stage and appears to make eye contact with every fan in attendance before he finally raises the microphone to his mouth. The crowd gets a little quieter in anticipation of what he may say.]
Chavo:. . .
[He doesn’t say anything at all and puts his hands on his hips giving the crowd the look over once again. The crowd’s chants and mix reactions continue and Chavo clears his throat while raising the microphone back up to his mouth for a second time. Once again the crowd gets a little quieter in the hopes that he may actually say something this time around.]
Chavo:. . .
[Yet again he says nothing at all, and this is driving the people mad. Even those who don’t like him want to hear what he has to say after his lengthy absence, and not so classy departure from XWL. But instead of talking, Chavo gives a little smirk, drops the microphone, and walks back through the curtain. The screen fades to black as XWL heads to commercial.]
TBH what kind of promo was that he didnt say shit i mean i could understand him ignoring the interviewer and stuff but if he comes out and smirks then leaves then thats a huge disappointment. I mean could you imagine if something like this happened irl it would be a waste of air time!
I have yet to see a promo from you that succeeds, or comes close to even this promo.
Last edited by SoZ on Wed Sep 07, 2011 6:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
Zander Main Eventer
Posts : 1495 Likes : 40 Join date : 2011-02-07 Age : 30 Location : Glasgow, Scotland
[Backstage, a black limo drives into the parking lot but it is unknown who’s inside of it.]
[The limo stops, and the driver gets out and walks over to the back to open the door. The members of the audience are holding their breath while they wait for the passenger to be revealed but when the driver tries to open the door and it turns out to be locked, the crowd lets out their breath in a collective sigh of disappointment. The driver moves quickly back over to the front of the limo and unlocks the door. When he’s just about to open the door, it pops open knocking him onto the ground. The camera zooms in on the ground as one foot touches the pavement and then both feet as the man takes his time stepping out of the limo. The camera slowly begins to zoom out as the man finally exits the limo and it’s revealed to be none other than… Chavo Guerrero!]
[The crowd is split down the middle as some cheer and others boo the return of one of the most recognizable yet least accomplished superstar in XWL history. Chavo gives the cab driver a look of pity and shakes his head as he walks away.]
[He opens the opens the doors to the arena and adjusts his suit while he walks down the hallway. As he turns the corner he’s suddenly ambushed by Todd Grisham who sticks a microphone in his face.]
Grisham: Chavo, have you returned for good? Is this just a random appearance? What is going through your mind right now?
[Chavo ponders the question for a moment and opens his mouth to say something, but he instead snatches the microphone away from Grisham and continues walking down the hall. Suddenly the camera cuts away from Chavo walking down the hall, and shows the fans in the arena watching things unfold on the big screen. The mixture of cheers, boos and stunned silence fill the arena.]
[Chavo’s theme hits and the sounds from the crowd only intensify when Chavo finally steps through the curtains. Chavo has the microphone in his hands and he paces back and forth on the stage until his music dies down. Now the dueling chants of ‘Welcome Back!’ and ‘Go Home Chavo’ can be heard much more clearly. Chavo stands on the center of the stage and appears to make eye contact with every fan in attendance before he finally raises the microphone to his mouth. The crowd gets a little quieter in anticipation of what he may say.]
Chavo:. . .
[He doesn’t say anything at all and puts his hands on his hips giving the crowd the look over once again. The crowd’s chants and mix reactions continue and Chavo clears his throat while raising the microphone back up to his mouth for a second time. Once again the crowd gets a little quieter in the hopes that he may actually say something this time around.]
Chavo:. . .
[Yet again he says nothing at all, and this is driving the people mad. Even those who don’t like him want to hear what he has to say after his lengthy absence, and not so classy departure from XWL. But instead of talking, Chavo gives a little smirk, drops the microphone, and walks back through the curtain. The screen fades to black as XWL heads to commercial.]
TBH what kind of promo was that he didnt say shit i mean i could understand him ignoring the interviewer and stuff but if he comes out and smirks then leaves then thats a huge disappointment. I mean could you imagine if something like this happened irl it would be a waste of air time!
AVG, tbh, I'd like to see you make a promo where you didn't talk
Last edited by RCP on Wed Sep 07, 2011 6:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
Jonguin Main Eventer
Posts : 2185 Likes : 38 Join date : 2011-02-05 Age : 32
*As Redemption comes back from a commercial break we hear The Worlds Strongest Man Mark Henry's Music hit he looks angry*
Now i wanted to come out here and discuss some things about my current status/booking in XWL for the worlds strongest man mark henry now as you, all may know i had a match last week against that asshole anderson well the reason i lost to him was simply because i was too busy thinking about my recent divorce with my wife so i could not concentrate on my match. To be honest i consider anderson lucky seeing as how i was too busy to think about other things and he took advantage of that which i give him credit for i would do the same thing but whoever i face next just know this there will be no distractions on my mind all ill be thinking about is putting my next opponent next to the undertaker 6 feet under BUIRED get that trough your puny little skull anyone back there i will bury you so far down you will see your ancestors alive.
* Mark Henry then is silent for a few moments then begins to speak*
Now you ignorant fans might have thought "hey he's done talking lets get to the important stuff" Well no i am not done talking not by a long shot i have a bunch of more concerns i would like to give to XWL management and GM Mick Foley. So earlier when i was backstage i found this week's card scheduled for tonight and i did not see my name anywhere. Well now i am pissed why would management decide " Oh since mark henry lost this week we are going to not have him on next weeks card" that makes me angry and im sure a lot of people know what happens to them when i am angry. Why would you even consider putting other nobodies on the card then me the worlds strongest man god dammit. Another thing i am so angry about is how recently, backstage i have gotten the nickname "Mark "Blueberry" Henry" now that drives me insane because for one reason i do not at ll look like a blueberry second i only wear my blue attire once in a blue moon.
* The crowd then chuckles as henry has made an unexpected joke*
Shut your damn mouths you think this is funny???? huh you think this is hilarious that i come out here and get no damn respect at all not from management not from mick foley, not from any other competitors and now from you ungrateful fans!!!! You see this is the kind of treatment i get from this company i get no respect for my accomplishments i feel like the laughing stock of the xwl. Well if i ever find out who made that blueberry joke i swear to the almighty lord that they teeth gon get knock down they throat. So to whoever i face next week on 9/11 you better pray to god that you live i will have you so dead the gravediggers wont even be able to carry you since you will have so much blood coming out ya damn mouth!
* Mark Henry then throws down the mic angered he then stroms out of the building as Redemption goes to a commercial break*
Jonguin Main Eventer
Posts : 2185 Likes : 38 Join date : 2011-02-05 Age : 32
*After the match Carltio celebrates his victory until a very unwelcoming theme hits.*
Joey Styles: If I was Carlito or AJ Styles I would be getting out of there!
*Kane and Fn finally get into the ring where AJ Styles charges at both men, They easily grab him by the throat and the destroy him with a crippling Double Chokeslam.*
Michael Cole: Who in their right mind would charge after the Ministry of Darkness?
*Carlito tries to act cool with the, but the Ministry is not in a smiling mood. Kane smirks at Fn, only moments before Fn plants Carltio with a giant big boot. Kane chuckles before picking up Carlito and tossing him to the outside. Kane instructs Fn to tear apart the announce table and he does just that.*
Michael Cole: Move out of the way, Joey, I'm getting out of here!
Joey Styles: I'm not going to stick around for this either!
*Carltio starts to fight back against the monster, even drop kicking Fn into the ring post. The crowd cheers for Carlito, but Kane smacks him with a chair, laying him out on the table, busted open. Kane laughs as he climbs up on the table, grabbing Carlito.*
[Kane] *Yelling at Carltio, voice can be heard through the camera.* Let this be a warning for anybody in the back who steps out of their line, and into ours.
*Staff comes rushing out as Kane picks Carlito up for a Tombstone. They try to reason with him, but Fn scares them off. Kane then drills Carlito with a Tombstone onto the table, knocking him out cold. Kane laughs before leaving with Fn, heading backstage. Medical Personal comes out with a stretcher to assist AJ Styles and Carlito to the back. Fade to black.*
Sable Mid Card
Posts : 314 Likes : -5 Join date : 2011-08-28 Age : 30 Location : Florida
It's shorter than I would've liked, but with that said it was better than some other's first promos. I like that you said no one can match your unlimited potential and all, but I just wish you would've expanded on that more, perhaps telling XWL in more detail what you have to offer. Also the General Manager is a chick, Vickie Guerrero to be exact.
" you know a stupid american once said life is like a box of choclates well my match tonight is gonna be more like a game of poker because i'm gonna fold Otunga like a deck of cards"
That line personally was great to me. I just think had you maybe put a little more time in this that if you continued acting the way you were, then you could've had a slam dunk promo right here. It was more of a combo of hit and miss but just take some things I've said and try to incorporate them into your future promos.
Chavo Guerrero Promo
This was a classic example of a short, well written, and suspenseful promo. Starting off with a mystery limo arrival, and the classic door opening but with a twist of knocking over the driver was great. Then the attempted interview only to be shot down and ignored. Which then lead to you coming out and teasing a Chavo speech. It had no words from Chavo, but the actions and the things mixed in left me wondering where it's all leading to. That is often hard to do, especially in short promos like this. Maybe it's just me but I actually liked this route you went in. Instead of coming out giving a huge return promo you caught the reader off guard by having nothing said. Well done and I look forward to how you follow this up.
Mark Henry Promo
Firstly, I would like you to be a bit more descriptive on your entrance. It's something simple but just describing you making your way out ignoring fans, a mix of commentary talking up Henry and how he seems angry would have been the way I would've went. The excuse for your loss last week...Was different. I really think you could have came up with a better excuse such as you hurt yourself lifting weights and management forced you to compete. It would've complimented your short rant on management I think. Also Vickie Guerrero should be the general manager that you're singling out seeing as she's the Redemption General Manager, while Mick Foley is Breakdown's. The rest of the promo was okay, the blue berry once in a blue moon thing wasn't funny to me it was good that you at least followed the fans laughing by raging a bit.
" get that trough your puny little skull anyone back there i will bury you so far down you will see your ancestors alive. "
That was ruined by you saying "alive" had you not included that it would've been a lot better.
" So to whoever i face next week on 9/11 you better pray to god that you live i will have you so dead the gravediggers wont even be able to carry you since you will have so much blood coming out ya damn mouth! "
I really don't know what to say about that last thing...It didn't make sense to me and that's really the only thing I absolutely didn't like. You're getting better, just maybe spend more time on your promos, don't do them all in one setting. Some can but maybe you get bored and just try to rush it to be done without realizing it. This is definitely a major step up though from what you were doing in your first two promos. Just take my suggestions and thoughts and try to better your next promo.
The Ministry Attacked Carlito And That's Not Cool
Poor Carlito, he starts celebrating his fifth victory and then The Ministry Of Darkness, after two weeks, make their presence felt! While it could've been more detailed, it was still a great attack and it made me wonder why it happened...Why did Kane & Mr. Fn attack him? It's a question that I'm glad is left on our minds. It gives you a great next follow up whenever that is by of course explaining their actions. That and Carlito is sure to have a few "uncool" words to say about being tombstoned through the announcer's table! It was a nice surprise attack but personally would have loved more detail especially since I know Penguin & Kyle are usually better at that. Maybe they were busy so this had to be rushed, but even still it made me cringe reading it so it's still a good promo/attack.
[Backstage, a black limo drives into the parking lot but it is unknown who’s inside of it.]
[The limo stops, and the driver gets out and walks over to the back to open the door. The members of the audience are holding their breath while they wait for the passenger to be revealed but when the driver tries to open the door and it turns out to be locked, the crowd lets out their breath in a collective sigh of disappointment. The driver moves quickly back over to the front of the limo and unlocks the door. When he’s just about to open the door, it pops open knocking him onto the ground. The camera zooms in on the ground as one foot touches the pavement and then both feet as the man takes his time stepping out of the limo. The camera slowly begins to zoom out as the man finally exits the limo and it’s revealed to be none other than… Chavo Guerrero!]
[The crowd is split down the middle as some cheer and others boo the return of one of the most recognizable yet least accomplished superstar in XWL history. Chavo gives the cab driver a look of pity and shakes his head as he walks away.]
[He opens the opens the doors to the arena and adjusts his suit while he walks down the hallway. As he turns the corner he’s suddenly ambushed by Todd Grisham who sticks a microphone in his face.]
Grisham: Chavo, have you returned for good? Is this just a random appearance? What is going through your mind right now?
[Chavo ponders the question for a moment and opens his mouth to say something, but he instead snatches the microphone away from Grisham and continues walking down the hall. Suddenly the camera cuts away from Chavo walking down the hall, and shows the fans in the arena watching things unfold on the big screen. The mixture of cheers, boos and stunned silence fill the arena.]
[Chavo’s theme hits and the sounds from the crowd only intensify when Chavo finally steps through the curtains. Chavo has the microphone in his hands and he paces back and forth on the stage until his music dies down. Now the dueling chants of ‘Welcome Back!’ and ‘Go Home Chavo’ can be heard much more clearly. Chavo stands on the center of the stage and appears to make eye contact with every fan in attendance before he finally raises the microphone to his mouth. The crowd gets a little quieter in anticipation of what he may say.]
Chavo:. . .
[He doesn’t say anything at all and puts his hands on his hips giving the crowd the look over once again. The crowd’s chants and mix reactions continue and Chavo clears his throat while raising the microphone back up to his mouth for a second time. Once again the crowd gets a little quieter in the hopes that he may actually say something this time around.]
Chavo:. . .
[Yet again he says nothing at all, and this is driving the people mad. Even those who don’t like him want to hear what he has to say after his lengthy absence, and not so classy departure from XWL. But instead of talking, Chavo gives a little smirk, drops the microphone, and walks back through the curtain. The screen fades to black as XWL heads to commercial.]
MARKOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT
Kyle Main Eventer
Posts : 2100 Likes : 9 Join date : 2011-01-20 Age : 37 Location : Mansfield, OH
TBH what kind of promo was that he didnt say shit i mean i could understand him ignoring the interviewer and stuff but if he comes out and smirks then leaves then thats a huge disappointment. I mean could you imagine if something like this happened irl it would be a waste of air time!
I take it you've never seen someone in a company, be gone for quite some time and then upon returning, not want to make it something huge. Instead, make it known that their back but, do it in a way that them not speaking, makes their return huge? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, Chavo is gonna speak next week? Chavo's done thing's like this IRL and I thought the promo was really well done. Not trying to be mean or anything but, it's not like this was, out of the ordinary for someone like chavo. To get on topic with it, nice to see Chavo returning "home" and I can't wait for next week to see what Chavo has to say. Great job Krzy.
Shug Upper Mid Card
Posts : 929 Likes : 23 Join date : 2011-02-15 Age : 32
TBH what kind of promo was that he didnt say shit i mean i could understand him ignoring the interviewer and stuff but if he comes out and smirks then leaves then thats a huge disappointment. I mean could you imagine if something like this happened irl it would be a waste of air time!
I think you're the last person that should be giving out Promo advice.
TBH what kind of promo was that he didnt say shit i mean i could understand him ignoring the interviewer and stuff but if he comes out and smirks then leaves then thats a huge disappointment. I mean could you imagine if something like this happened irl it would be a waste of air time!
First of all I'm not just saying this to disagree with you, but I really enjoyed the promo. Regardless of him not saying anything it was very well written which shows that he is capable of writing great promos (which some of us already know from his past promos). The fact that he came out and didn't say anything after being gone for so long makes me really want to read his next promo as Chavo. TBH if he just made a huge return promo I probably would have skimmed it. But the fact that he made a short, well written, cliff hanger like this makes me want to read his huge return promo when it does come rather then skim. Just like the Ministry Attack on Carlito, was short, no talking, and a well written cliffhanger that makes me want to see what happens next week.
Also you put "TBH" in front of your post, usually that is filled with CONSTRUCTIVE criticism rather then a less then decent promoer bashing a great well written promo. So next time that you decide to be an ass and bash someone else's work make sure that yours has no faults to bash on in return... Which is not the case. Your promo was filled with lines that makes no sense, the grammar was acceptable at best, most of the lines didn't even make sense(EDIT: upon realizing I said this twice I decided to keep it because some of the lines REALLY didn't make sense), "Now you ignorant fans might have thought "hey he's done talking lets get to the important stuff" is the only thing Henry said that I agreed with, Henry's "unexpected joke" was far from humorous and would have had me shaking my head in disappointment (much like your future ex-girlfriends will do before walking out the bedroom door) rather then laughing like you had the fans do, and finally.. you said; "Well if i ever find out who made that blueberry joke i swear to the almighty lord that they teeth gon get knock down they throat" the fact of the matter is you were the one who started the joke by calling yourself the Chocolate Blueberry in all caps with multiple unnecessary swears surrounding it so please do us all a favor and knock your own teeth down your throat so that you'll be too busy getting them surgically removed to bore us with another promo/ "waste of air time"... because AVG...
...It's not fun having your promo bashed is it? So like I said, before you bash on someone else's work make sure that your own has nothing to bash in return... I'm not usually a dick and am sorry, but you deserved/ needed that. It also made me angry seeing you bash his enjoyable promo.. especially when you're a new member/promoer to leagues who could use constructive criticism rather then just criticism to make your promos better... Now that I got that ^ out of my system I'll follow it up with something nice like I usually am....
Mark Henry Promo
"*As Redemption comes back from a commercial break we hear The Worlds Strongest Man Mark Henry's Music hit he looks angry*"
I'm glad that you made at least a small effort in his entrance, but I like David said would enjoy it more if you emphasized on the fact that he is a "Angry Heel" by adding commentary, fan reaction, Henry's reaction to the fans, and maybe even some pics. Also you could have Cole or Styles call you "The Worlds Strongest Man" so that you don't have to have Henry unrealistically refer to himself as that over and over.
"Now i wanted to come out here and discuss some things about my current status/booking in XWL for the worlds strongest man mark henry "
I kind of wish you left that part out and went straight to the next sentence... "now as you, all may know i had a match last week against that asshole anderson well the reason i lost to him was simply because.."
and maybe instead of having the reason be about his personal life, have it be something that you can speak more about such as.. you lost because the ref did a fast count. Then you could have gone on about how you will destroy the ref (which is something Henry might do) in your next match if he fast counts again or screws you over ect. or something like that. Although you did follow it up your excuse rather well with "he took advantage of that which i give him credit for i would do the same thing but whoever i face next just know this there will be no distractions on my mind all ill be thinking about is putting my next opponent next to the undertaker 6 feet under BUIRED get that trough your puny little skull anyone back there i will bury you so far down you will see your ancestors alive."
Saying how you wouldn't hesitate to do the same puts emphasis on you being a heel which is nice. And i also liked the Undertaker line seeing as he just got buried this past PPV... would have left out "alive" though..
"* Mark Henry then is silent for a few moments then begins to speak* "
Nice way to put filler in-between the speaking so it's not just a huge blurb of words. Another great way of doing this is to put something about the fans reaction to Henry as well. like.. * Mark Henry then is silent for a few moments soaking in the crowds boos before speaking* or something like that to show the crowd's reaction to you. Also a picture is a great way to separate the speaking paragraphs
Another great place to put fans reactions to you is to have them respond to what you're saying, like when you said...
"Now you ignorant fans might have thought "hey he's done talking lets get to the important stuff" Well no i am not done talking not by a long shot i have a bunch of more concerns i would like to give to XWL management and GM Mick Foley."
You could have had the fans cheer, or chant "shut up" or something after you quoted what you think they may have thought.
I like how you had him discuss how he was angry of not being booked, was a nice touch, and glad you put it in the second paragraph rather then starting out with it. The Blueberry thing could have been done better imo, idk how, but I didn't think it was as funny as you had the fans think it was tbh. Henry doesn't seem like the joking kind of guy so I liked how you said "he crowd then chuckles as henry has made an unexpected joke" because it was unexpected. also mentioning 9/11 randomly was kinda meh.
Overall I liked the size of the promo, shows that you're putting effort into it, and can't wait to see the improvements next week. Just remember.. -more effort into entrance.. pics, commentary, fans reactions -try previewing your promo and re-reading it b4 posting -spell/ grammar check on work b4 posting -keep up the good effort! -next time you criticize some one's promo make sure that it is constructive, especially cause you're new to promos and need as much constructive criticism as you can get. And although I was mean b4 in Mark Henry bash, not many ppl will be as nice as I was to give you actual constructive criticism you need after seeing you bash on others promos....
Last edited by Jerry on Thu Sep 08, 2011 2:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
*The theme song of The Miz hits as the crowd instantly boo's, The Miz walks onto the stage with a microphone in hand much to the fans dislike.*
*He stands on top of the stage and waits for his music to stop, and once it does he begins to talk.*
The Miz- Last week... Last week you all saw what I'm capable of, for the most of my career I've been called one of those people who was “all talk.” The people who say that about me have been proved wrong. I took it to Kevin Steen in his own way, I fought fire with fire and I won! Just like I'm going to win at Eye for an Eye when I get my title back. I am the most must see superstar in XWL history for crying out loud! I did something that nobody in XWL has everdone, and that is take the fight to Kevin Steen. AJ Styles wasn't man enough to show Steen what he's made of, but I did. I smashed his knee into pieces with a single hit, I'll be surprised if he can even make it into Eye for an Eye!
*The fans begin to chant “You Suck!” to the former United States Champion.*
The Miz- ...Really? I suck? Really?! The only person who sucks around here is well, Velvet Sky. But that's a given. You people pay your tickets to see me! Each and every week, you sit down infront of your TV, stuffing your face, cheering on ME. As a matter of fact, I have something I'd like to address. Earlier today when I was on my way to the arena tonight I saw a promotional poster for Eye for an Eye.. And the posterboy for the Pay-Per-View is Jeff Hardy?... REALLY?! Jeff Hardy!? What the hell has he done lately? Nothing! You idiots backstage, you better make sure that The Miz is front and center on the next poster, because when-
*Suddenly The Miz is cut off by a voice, the voice of Kevin Steen! Steen is shown in the parking lot, he has his United States Title in one hand and a Steel Pipe in the other. Miz looks up at the tron as Steen speaks.*
Kevin Steen- Wait,Wait,Wait..... Mikey boy look up at the tron you fucktard. Did I just hear you say that you went down to my level?Really?Really?Really? Oh sorry did I just use your material??Well guess what I couldn't give two shits about that. So you went down to my level and should up to me Mizzy? You seriously don't know my level, I mean I could go so much lower, much lower. The thing is you may have took my leg out last week during my match and that well that made me fucking angry. I am not just some fat angry bastard, well I am those things but I am more than that. I am mean motherfucker, Oh Hey Miz's mum out there, I am a sadistic, crazy son of a bitch who does what he wants. So Mikey those big brave balls that you've decided to grow they are going to get you in trouble.
Kevin Steen- You know what, I am done with talking, so Miz how about you bring your brave scrawny ass back here to the parking lot where, I have Mr Pipe, Mr & Mrs Fists and I have a boot that I am going to shove right up your ass. I fucking am going to destroy you and going to leave you begging for mercy. These fans are going to witness another level of Steen, but fuck them, I don't like them, I don't give a fuck if they cheer or boo me, I am a HEEEEEELLLL, a bad ass HEEEEEELLLL get it nerds. So Miz I will be waiting, so come on Miz, don't be scared, don't try and get Vickie or Mick to protect you because this ain't about them, fuck them..
**Steen stops talking an starts walking around the parking lot shout and smashing a pipe on the wall and the floor going totally insane with anger. Steen starts grabbing at his hair, he has totally lost it. Miz looks up and then he has an angry look on his face and walks to the back, is Miz going to face off with Kevin Steen??**
P.R Son Legend
Posts : 6977 Likes : 97 Join date : 2011-02-03 Age : 32
Right away without wasting time Miz brings up what happened last week. I like that you brought up that people thought Miz was all talk but you proved last week that you can get down on Kevin Steen's level and you "won". Then you hyped up your United States title return match at Eye For An Eye like a classic challenger saying you'll win it back there. The Velvet Sky shot was funny because it was random but in a good way. But then the rant at the end about the Eye For An Eye poster was gold, was exactly like something Miz would say.
But then before Miz can continue his rant on the poster, the United States Champion himself appears on the titantron and he's in the parking lot, and he's even holding the same steel pipe Miz used last week. Right away I keep thinking "Shit gon get REAL" The beginning by mocking Miz's catchphrase was great. I liked how you said Miz didn't get on your level because you can get much much lower and all.
"So Mikey those big brave balls that you've decided to grow they are going to get you in trouble."
Made me lol in real life, I don't know, that just did.
It ends with Steen challenging Miz to join him in the parking lot
I liked the ending with it being left with a cliff hanger, like is Miz going to join him? Is he going to try and sneak out of the arena before Steen can spot him? Great promo guys and I look forward to the continuation of it.
Subject: XWL Redemption: 9/4/2011 - 9/11/2011 
Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:00 pm
im glad you picked up a diva, even if it is one as sloppy as Velvet.
he never thot he'd need them 
